The Anxiety Trap: Why Avoidance Isn't the Answer

Have you ever been told to 'just avoid what makes you anxious'? It might seem like sound advice, but it’s actually a trap. In this episode, I dive into how avoidance can fuel anxiety instead of calming it. Discover why small, consistent steps toward your fears can build confidence and resilience—and hear inspiring stories of transformation.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. Why avoiding what makes you anxious increases long-term fear.
2. How gradual exposure can help you regain control and confidence.
3. The importance of seeking support to overcome fear and anxiety.

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💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm Dr Steph and I want you to know that you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You are not, in fact, broken and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back. I am curious if you've heard the advice just avoid what makes you anxious. It sounds simple, but it's actually one of the worst things that you can do for your emotional health and your resilience. One of the worst things that you can do for your emotional health and your resilience. And recently, inside of a Facebook group for surrogacy, there have been a number of women who are feeling quite anxious and a therapist posted in the group a number of tips, and one of them was avoiding what makes them feel anxious. And as I read through those tips, I sat there in shock and that's what spurred this episode.

Speaker 1: 1:09

On this week's episode, we are going to dive into how avoidance actually perpetuates anxiety, and if you're scratching your head right now and you may be thinking well, actually, steph, it seems to help me, I get it. It can provide short-term relief, meaning you may feel better right now if you avoid the thing that you're afraid of, but in the long term, it doesn't reduce or eliminate anxiety. In fact, it increases it very, very often. So when you avoid the thing that you're scared of, what you're doing is you're essentially telling your mind that it's dangerous, and then the mind learns that avoiding is the only way to feel safe, which strengthens the fear. And that's not what you want, is it? You want to feel more capable, so that you feel in control, rather than feeling controlled by a person, place or situation? What can you do instead? Face your fears directly, but in a gradual manner, and so what I mean is essentially facing small, manageable doses of the fear to build up your tolerance and confidence and belief in yourself, while simultaneously teaching your nervous system that it's safe. So, for example, if you were afraid of swimming, would you overcome the fear by avoiding swimming? No, you're not suddenly going to feel more confident about your ability to swim and that everything will be fine. And will you overcome the fear if I throw you into the deep end and walk away? No, but if I grab your hand and walk with you up to the pool and we stand by the side of it for a few moments and then we walk away. And then the next day I walk with you and you dip your toes in, and then we walk away. And then the next day I walk with you and you go up to your ankles and then the next time up to your calves. You're gradually and progressively showing your mind and your nervous system that it's safe and that you actually like water. Otherwise you wouldn't keep actively pursuing it.

Speaker 1: 3:36

To what extent have you been facing your fears in this manner? To what extent have you been avoiding it, and what is one specific thing that you have been avoiding, similar to the example that I gave? I just want you to think through that and identify small, manageable steps and then start with the least anxiety provoking step. Now, keep in mind that consistency is actually very important to build your tolerance and confidence and, as you take forward action and make progress, take credit for the steps that you've taken, even if the step seems small, even if it seems microscopic, even if you haven't reached your ultimate goal. Take credit for the steps you take. Why? Because this actually sends a message to your mind but this is good, and then you want more of it.

Speaker 1: 4:38

And if this feels too overwhelming or too scary to do on your own, invest in support. You do not have to do this alone and you do not have to stay stuck. I know if you have listened to this podcast over the last year, year and a half, or if you're new to it, you have probably heard me recommend investing in support, and I'm not just telling you to do that and not following. I invest in support constantly and continually throughout my business, for emotional support for myself, for business support, so that I'm not going at it alone and I have a guide, because it makes a world of difference.

Speaker 1: 5:22

And if you resonate with what I shared so far, you might be able to relate to Kayla, who joined Brave Academy 3.5 weeks ago. She had been suffering from PTSD, from anxiety, panic attacks and also the fear of vomiting, and in just a few short weeks, she's already told me that she experienced a sense of relief. She's been leaving her home more often, been cooking meals, without having to take that anxiety medication to calm her down. All of this happened in less than four weeks.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Change is possible for you, too, and it does not have to take a long time. Remember, when you avoid, you are choosing to feel anxious. Avoid you are choosing to feel anxious the things that scare. You do not have to control you anymore and you have the power to change your life so that you can feel free. That's it for today. I'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening today. Are you ready to finally heal and break free from anxiety, including symptoms like replaying interactions, fearing, making mistakes, imagining worst case scenarios and constant worrying? If so, dm me the word free on Instagram at Dr Stephanie Lopez and I will send you a link to my completely free class to officially ditch anxiety.