Setting Boundaries for a Joyful Holiday Season

Are you tired of holiday obligations pulling you in every direction? You're not alone! Many people find themselves struggling with family pressures, financial expectations, and traditions that no longer resonate. In this episode, explore how setting boundaries can free you to enjoy the season on your own terms. Discover why prioritizing yourself doesn’t make you selfish—it actually deepens trust and connection with others. Learn how to navigate holiday dynamics with confidence, align with what truly matters to you, and end the year feeling more empowered than ever.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. How to set personal boundaries for a more authentic holiday experience.
2. Common fears that prevent us from honoring our own needs.
3. Simple steps to prioritize your well-being and build trust through honesty.

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💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm Dr Steph and I want you to know that you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You are not, in fact, broken, and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back. I hope your November is off to a great start. I imagine that you are gearing up for the holidays and thinking about your plans if you don't already have them set in stone. If you don't already have them set in stone, and something that I hear over and over again in this community and this can feel especially true around the holidays is a desire to do one thing and a felt obligation to do something totally different. Some examples of that are due to family dynamics and expectations around get-togethers, financial pressure like giving gifts around holiday events and over committing to parties or events or even traditions that just do not align with you anymore, and there can be a lot of added dynamics that make this season in particular feel harder than it needs to. But how would your demeanor and your energy change this year if you allowed yourself to move more toward what you want to do rather than what you feel pressured or obligated to do. Rather than what you feel pressured or obligated to do, what if you make your own rules? I will tell you, as a former rule follower I mean, I still am a rule follower to a large extent, but I mean a big time do what I am told that somebody asking that question to me before probably I would have been like follow my own rules, I don't know. So if you're anything like me, I'm here just to ask you to sit with that for today. If you are anything like others in my community, you may also have found yourself following other people's rules or what you're supposed to do for not only years but decades. And what if making your own rules does not make you a bad person? And instead, what if it actually allows you to show up as more of the woman that you want to be?

Speaker 1: 2:46

This holiday season can be a very important time to set boundaries. I'm going to just give you a few examples. Maybe time boundaries, essentially deciding how much time to spend at events with certain people. Or emotional boundaries, where you limit your interactions with certain people or decide not to engage in certain conversations with specific people, or financial boundaries where you set a budget in advance and are upfront about what you're comfortable spending. As you're listening, I imagine you're not sitting there like, oh my gosh, steph. Imagine you're not sitting there like, oh my gosh, steph. This is groundbreaking. I never thought about any of this. It's not rocket science and I know that. You know that.

Speaker 1: 3:33

However, since you know that you can set boundaries, but even if you've had the desire, there probably have been at least some of you who have not right. So you know that you can, you know how to for the most part, but then you still don't. Why is that? Why is it so hard to set boundaries in general, and especially during the holiday season? Well, ultimately it comes down to fear. I'm going to give a few examples.

Speaker 1: 4:10

Fear of conflict, so people often have a low tolerance for negative emotions and worry about the possibility of someone getting upset. Also could be fear of judgment or fear of rejection, so the fear of not being liked or accepted can feel too overwhelming to risk. Low self-esteem could be at play. Sometimes it's actually hard to recognize what you actually want matters. It could be taking advice about having manners a little too literally and coming from someone who's quite literal, I get it, but think about the pressure to hug a relative even when it doesn't feel comfortable. How often as an adult have you continued prioritizing manners over your own comfort? Another one could be equating love and respect with people pleasing, so we can fall into the trap of believing that our value is actually tied to how much we accommodate other people. And then, just in general, fear of losing love, fear of conflict, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being perceived as selfish. Can you see yourself in any of those fears?

Speaker 1: 5:33

I want to be really clear here. What I'm not saying is screw everyone around you, like do whatever you want, with no consideration for others, because I know sometimes I get pushback from people and they're like what are you saying, steph? No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is that if you resonate with my content staff no, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is that if you resonate with my content, you are likely someone who has historically put your own needs and wants and desires at the bottom of the list. What if you allow yourself to prioritize yourself a bit more and, as we reflect more on these fears, you get to choose whether or not you're going to continue allowing fear to run your life.

Speaker 1: 6:22

For a very large portion of our actions and our behaviors, fear is driving it until you recognize it, and then you get to make a shift and allow that to no longer be the case. And I'll say yes, some of your fears may be accurate. You may experience other people feeling disappointed or upset with you or even guilting you when you set boundaries. However, it is not only okay, but it is wise to prioritize yourself and your emotional health, even if others don't understand and I know that. You know that. You probably know that in your heart, but it can feel really good to be reminded of that sometimes. And if you're ready to move through fear, show up the way you want to and feel confident even when other people are not happy. That is exactly what's possible for you inside of Brave Academy, and I also want to share something with you that seemed insignificant at the time, but it shifted the way that I see boundaries forever.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Like many of you, I did not historically set boundaries. I would fall into people-pleasing tendencies, say yes before I even gave myself time to think about what I was agreeing to, and later I would experience a number of things. I would feel obligated, I would feel irritated, I would feel resentful. Sometimes I would feel stuck, frustrated. Can you relate to that? That's how I knew that it was not genuine kindness. Always, it wasn't just genuine agreeableness that I was actually engaging in people pleasingpleasing because later I would have this realization like, oh yeah, I don't want to be doing this. So one day I set a boundary and the person's response to me actually shocked me. She said thank you for saying no. When you say no, I trust your yes more. I have to be honest. That like blew me away. I realized my constant agreeableness actually made people question whether I would actually speak up if I wasn't okay with something or if I didn't want to do something, and this impacted the trust that they had in me. Wild right.

Speaker 1: 8:56

Have you ever thought about how your people-pleasing might be eroding trust in your relationships? I'm guessing that you probably haven't. So can I challenge you with something today, sometime today, or even this week, reflect on the rest of the year. What do you want? If you knew no one would get or stay mad at you, what would you do? What is one step that you can take to show up more in alignment with that? All right, that's it for today. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week and I will see you next week. Thank you so much for listening today. Are you ready to finally heal and break free from anxiety, including symptoms like replaying interactions, fearing making mistakes, imagining worst case scenarios and constant worrying? If so, dm me the word free on Instagram at Dr Stephanie Lopez and I will send you a link to my completely free class to officially ditch anxiety.