Healthy Ways to Process Anger

Are you afraid of your own anger? Discover why embracing this powerful emotion might be the key to unlocking your true potential. Join me in this episode to explore the often-misunderstood world of anger. Learn how suppressing this natural feeling can lead to anxiety, physical ailments, and strained relationships - and more importantly, how learning to process it healthily can transform your life. Whether you're a chronic people-pleaser or a master of emotional withdrawal, this episode will challenge you to rethink your relationship with anger and empower you to express yourself authentically.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. The importance of accepting anger as a natural emotion.
2. Consequences of suppressing or mishandling anger.
3. Benefits of allowing yourself to feel and process all emotions.

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Chapters

• 0:03 Overcoming Anger
• 11:44 Anxiety Relief Offer on Instagram

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm Dr Steph and I want you to know that you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You are not, in fact, broken and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back. How are you doing lately? I hope you're good, I hope you're doing well and if you're not, I hope that you're getting the support that you need and that you deserve.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Today I want to talk about anger what's really important to understand about it, unhealthy ways that women tend to deal with anger and what to do instead. Before we dive in, I want to give you just a quick update in case you've been following the surrogacy journey At the time of this recording. We are four days out from embryo transfer. It has been a long four months since the last transfer, which ended up in a early miscarriage, and I've been receiving a lot of good signs from the universe that this transfer is going to go well. And, as far as my numbers go, everything has been coming back in the desired range, which is just super exciting, because in August we had two or three changes in the date that we were supposed to transfer and then also a cancellation, so this is just feels really really good and really exciting. But that aside, let's go ahead and dive in.

Speaker 1: 1:46

When you think about anger, how do you feel and does that response change if you think about yourself feeling angry or someone else feeling angry? The other day I heard a client refer to someone as throwing a temper tantrum and when I asked more questions, that individual was simply expressing frustration about something at work, and I know we've all been there and had moments where we're frustrated with work. And what if that's okay? How you feel about others expressing frustration and anger is a very good indication of how you treat yourself when it comes to frustration and anger. What do I mean by that? If you are annoyed, or even if you're disgusted by someone else's display of anger, it is likely that you do not allow yourself to express or feel anger, or that you judge yourself super harshly if you ever do. If that sounds like you, does that feel true? If you really sit with that, does that feel true? If you really sit with that?

Speaker 1: 3:08

Anger is a natural emotion that we are supposed to feel as humans, we're supposed to feel all the emotions. And if you honestly reflect for a moment, I want you to really ask yourself do I allow myself to feel my emotions? The vast majority of people that I ask that question to they say yes. They're like yeah, I feel my emotions. I'm feeling stuff all the time. However, once I start working with them, guess what? Almost all of them realize that they actually suppress at least one emotion very regularly. And even those who have nearly fought me on the topic, they too discover emotions that they avoid feeling.

Speaker 1: 3:50

What would shift for you if you changed your perspective to? I am supposed to feel all emotions, even the embarrassment, the shame, the rejection, the abandonment, all emotions. And then you ask yourself, as you felt them, what is this emotion here to tell me, rather than telling yourself I shouldn't feel that way, I shouldn't feel a certain way. When anger isn't released in a healthy way, it can increase anxiety, rage, physical pain in the body, rumination, burnout, stress symptoms. The list goes on and on. However, the more that you allow yourself to feel through your emotions, the more control you have over how you show up, and the less you will feel controlled by your emotions. I'm going to say that again the more you allow yourself to feel through your emotions, to feel through the full cycle, the more control you have over how you show up and the less you will feel controlled by them. I don't know about you, but I want to feel more controlled the way that I show up. That's something that historically, I did not feel. I felt overcome by my emotions on a regular basis and then I felt embarrassed and ashamed and asked myself why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me? I didn't want to feel that anymore. Inner work changes everything. Let's dive into a few unhealthy yet pretty common ways that women deal with anger, and as I dive into each of these, I just want you to take note either a mental note if you're driving or doing something, or a physical note if you're just sitting there, if it sounds like you.

Speaker 1: 5:41

So number one suppressing or ignoring it, you know, by bottling up anger and pretending it doesn't exist. This often stems from societal expectations and upbringing of women being peaceful or nurturing, and what happens is that, over time, that can lead to resentment, anxiety, physical symptoms like headache, tension, increased heart rate, blood pressure issues, digestive issues, weakened immune system and so much more. Number two people pleasing. Instead of addressing anger, some women may prioritize other people's feelings to avoid conflict, which can lead to burnout and even higher frustration boiling under the surface. Passive, aggressive behavior is the third one. So, rather than expressing anger openly, it might come out through sarcastic comments, digs, giving the silent treatment or withholding affection.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Number four emotional withdrawal. This is disconnecting emotionally from others in order to avoid feeling or expressing anger, which can lead to feelings of isolation, disconnection or a buildup of unresolved tension in relationships. Number five self-blame or internalizing. Some women turn their anger inward, believing that it's their fault for feeling upset, and this self-directed anger can manifest as negative self-talk, guilt, shame. Number six overeating or emotional eating. Using food as a way to numb or cope with anger, which can lead to overeating, developing unhealthy relationship with food, and this is often a way to distract them or suppress difficult emotions.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Perfectionism tendencies, channeling anger into striving for perfection, whether it's appearance or at work or in relationships. But that constant pressure to be perfect can be an attempt to control the anger and to avoid feeling out of control. Number eight overworking or just constant busyness keeping themselves constantly busy with work or home to distract them from anger, and this is often a way to avoid processing difficult emotions, but it leads to burnout and unresolved feelings over time. Number nine lashing out in small ways. Anger may come out in bursts over minor issues that don't necessarily relate to the root cause. This could look like snapping at people that you really actually care about, being overly critical in general or of them, and blowing up over small inconveniences. Number 10, alcohol or substance abuse. So using alcohol, drugs or other substances as a way to escape anger. This numbs the emotion temporarily and it can obviously lead to dependency and deeper emotional issues.

Speaker 1: 8:52

Number 11, self-sabotage. So some women unconsciously direct anger toward themselves, and this could look like procrastination, neglecting their own well-being and sabotaging either relationships or goals that they have in life or in their career. Number 12, overcompensating with kindness, going out of their way to be overly accommodating or kind in order to avoid confrontation or conflict, and this form of behavior often leads them feeling taken advantage of and underappreciated. Number 13, displacing anger to others. This is directing their anger towards people or situations that are not actually the source of their frustration. So this could look like being angry with a friend when the issue is actually with a partner or a work situation. Okay, so, as you listened to me list out those 13 common ways.

Speaker 1: 9:54

What came up for you, what resonated most and where do you see yourself in that list? Now more than ever, you may be seeing the consequences of not allowing yourself to feel through and to express your anger, and you may also feel acutely aware of fears and concerns about doing so. So maybe you're like, okay, I can see how this has a lot of implications, but what if this happens? Or what if that happens, or what if this happens? And I get that. So many women come to me and they are afraid that if they let out the anger it's going to be out of control, because there's so much in there that makes sense. And if those fears weren't popping up, I really would be shocked.

Speaker 1: 10:40

And that's the main reason why, inside of Brave Academy, I provide the exact steps to take when it comes to expressing and communicating anger, because I don't want to leave you just out on a limb trying to figure it out on your own. One of the key things that most people the vast majority of people never learn is how do I express this in a healthy way? How do I actually communicate frustration without getting defensive or really upsetting the other person, and there are very concrete ways to do that, which we dive into, and I give you a lot of opportunity to practice handling those conversations. But for now, what I want you to do as the next step is, I recommend that you take some alone time sooner than later, so you don't forget about this and put on some soft music, maybe like some meditation music, and just allow yourself to journal unfiltered, not where you're trying to get it right, but just unfiltered journaling about the consequences of not mastering this and let me know what you become aware of.

Speaker 1: 11:44

I can't wait to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram or shoot me an email. That's all for today. I'll see you on the next episode. Thank you so much for listening today. Are you ready to finally heal and break free from anxiety, including symptoms like replaying interactions, fearing, making mistakes, imagining worst case scenarios and constant worrying? If so, dm me the word free on Instagram at Dr Stephanie Lopez and I will send you a link to my completely free class to officially ditch anxiety.