Broken to Brave | Guiding you to heal & break free from anxiety

Breaking the Burnout Cycle with Dr. Reana Mulcahy

• Dr. Stephanie Lopez • Episode 65

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Are you tired of feeling trapped by anxiety, burnout, and the constant pressure to achieve? In this episode, I welcome Dr. Reana Mulcahy, a former physical therapist turned coach who helps high-achieving entrepreneurs break free from stress and overwhelm. Dr. Mulcahy shares her personal journey from burnout to breakthrough, offering insights on how to shift your mindset, challenge limiting beliefs, and find freedom through inner work. Discover how curiosity and self-accountability can transform your life and relationships, and learn why your worth isn't determined by your achievements. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone ready to break the cycle of burnout and step into a more peaceful, empowered version of themselves.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. High-achieving mindset and its impact on mental health.
2. The importance of self-worth beyond achievements.
3. Changing subconscious beliefs and perceptions.

You can connect with Dr. Reana on:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dr.reanamulcahy/
Podcast https://www.breakingtheentrepreneurburnoutcycle.com

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Speaker 1:

I'm Dr Steph and I want you to know that you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You are not, in fact, broken, and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Oh my gosh, I am so excited to have you on the podcast today, rihanna. So we for everybody listening, welcome back. And we met actually in a business mentorship program and developed a friendship and have talked, you know, here and there online, and we have similar stories about what we've gone through and where we are now. So I just couldn't wait to have you on the podcast and share you with everybody. Go ahead and take it away. Tell us a little bit about who you are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you so much, first off, for having me on this podcast. Like it was just synchronistic that we met in that. I don't know. I don't even remember how we met, but meeting in that was just like oh my God, your story is just like mine and we need a meetup. But for those like who are listening, I am Dr Rihanna Mulcahy. I am a physical therapist by trade, but I've actually, throughout my weird long journey, have transitioned into coaching, where I actually help high-achieving entrepreneurs break free from the stress and anxiety and the overwhelm that comes with a lot of you know big goals as well, so yeah, so so needed.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for introducing yourself, and I just just tell me a little bit about what life was like, perhaps before starting your personal development inner work journey. You mentioned you know that you're a physical therapist, but how did you view the world? How'd you feel about yourself? Just anything that you think would resonate and that you'd like to share?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, I definitely used to call myself also I mean, I still do, but like a high achieving woman, meaning, like you know, I always had my eyes set on the biggest goals, like being the top of the class. Everything was about winning, so to speak, or like being.

Speaker 2:

Achievements, yes, achievement oriented, and a lot of it was what can be in my control, like which in life I learned the hard way that a lot of things we cannot control Not a whole lot. And so, yes, you know, it's like the way that I grew up was very much like put your head down, work hard, achieve everything you can work while you're young, like those were all the stories that were drilled into me as a child and me as a high achiever and that really contributed a lot to my story and my you know ultimately what led to the personal development, because I burnt out as a physical therapist and I do attribute a lot of my burnout to those like indoctrinated stories that drove the way that I approach things or used to approach things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, would you say that you're worth, like being good enough and feeling like you matter and all those types of things was wrapped up in how much you achieved. Yes, that was the same for me.

Speaker 2:

Yes, like if I fell short of a goal yeah. Or if I suddenly started questioning my goal yeah. So, for example, like all throughout undergrad, I thought I wanted to actually be in med school. Me too, yeah. And then it was like I did the shadowing, I was even preparing for the MCAT, like this is my junior year. Wow, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I exited like first semester. I was like just kidding folks.

Speaker 2:

No, I went the whole route pretty much and there was like this inkling of doubt within me and it was like this whole thing about like man, you know, I don't really know if my personality fits this, all these other things I was so afraid to just even trust that. I was so outcome oriented where it's like no, I said I was going to do this and so I need to do it.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

And it and I felt lost in the sense of like if my goals ever changed or if I fell short of a goal, then I was always like, oh, there's something wrong with me, like, yes, I'm not good enough or I must not know what I want. I'm a lost soul type of thing.

Speaker 1:

And that's that high achieving. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love that you mentioned that intuition and you had that sweet, but you kind of just like brushed it to the side, which is so common, and I feel like so many of the women listening will resonate with that. I did that too, and now I've really, really listened to my intuition.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and that's the biggest thing too is it's like. That's how I'm used to view the world too is, if you like, you had to know what you wanted and you're not allowed to change.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, why not? I have no idea, but a lot of that high achieving instilled that in me. Where I found value and validation in how big my goals were or how big my achievements were, yeah, and so if I changed it to anything that didn't get the same reaction from people, right, then there was less in my mind yeah, I totally get that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so talk to me about maybe a little bit leading up to the burnout. Being in the midst of burnout. What was life like then?

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

So you know, we kind of touched a lot about just like how I view goals and things like that, but even just like the way that I viewed achievement and the way to get achievements really factored into my behaviors and my decisions, and also the way that I interpreted a lot of things.

Speaker 2:

So this ultimately right if we it's hard to even say that this was four years ago, but like because it feels like a lifetime ago, because the work that I've done has felt like 10, 20 years worth of just healing, but it's the biggest thing that I remember. If I were to talk about just kind of like the lead up to the burnout, a lot of it really was just this like it wasn't just the doing, right, yes, there was the doing of like always saying yes to things to try to, you know, show that I'm a team player, to move up the ladder or move up the value scale, right. Or there was times where it's like, okay, I don't have capacity, but because I want to be a team player and because I worry about people seeing me as like a giving person, I would squeeze people in at over my lunches, or at.

Speaker 1:

You know people pleasing tendencies to the max.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and all of that was because it was I had this story that if you don't take every opportunity, then that means you might miss out and then you might not reach success.

Speaker 1:

You were operating from like this place of loss. What am I going to lose versus what's possible for me if?

Speaker 2:

I take care of myself. Yes, and I was so afraid that it led to me having like panic attacks, literally, where, if conflict ever came up, whether it was with the patient or with my you know, former boss, it became a thing of like I would not sleep at night because I would ruminate on and replay the story over and over and over again. It came from the emotional and mental energy that I was putting into constantly, constantly trying to read the room, constantly trying to control people's perception of me, constantly like doing all these things.

Speaker 1:

Gosh, people are going to resonate with this so much. It's so common. It's so common, yeah, and you're saying consciously much it's so common, it's so common, yeah, and you're saying consciously. But I think for many people, someone subconsciously walking into a room and expecting that people will believe whatever you're insecure about, so if you feel like you don't matter, a lot of times people are walking in the rooms expecting that nobody else thinks like they matter. Or if they feel insecure about being likable, they walk into a room subconsciously no one's going to like me, and maybe they say things like that.

Speaker 2:

I'm so glad that you were at least conscious of it so that you could To an extent Okay, To an extent, because you know, and I do think that that was what also led to the burnout was I didn't realize for a very long time that I was doing these things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Right, like we hear all the time from people the cliches of you need to love yourself and you need to show yourself compassion and all these things. And yes, it resonates. But when you don't actually realize, like what is the loop here that's going on, that like causing this in the first place, you're just kind of automatically doing it without even thinking. And then that also leads down another loop of self beat up where you're like why do I keep doing this? Like why do I care so much about what people think? Or you know what my boss thinks, or all these things. And for a very long time I was so frustrated because I had no idea why I put so much merit into the opinions of others.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it wasn't until the inner work that I figured it out. Yeah, I am.

Speaker 1:

Did you? Okay, let me, let me go back to that last line. I had no idea why. Question Did you think, oh, this is just the way that I am. Yes, okay, yes, yes. I resonate with that. And so many of my clients. They're like no, I'm just an anxious person, I'm just a people pleaser, I'm just a perfectionist. It's like no, you are not. No, you are not. This is just how you've been up to this point. Yes, you can change it at any moment.

Speaker 2:

Yes, you can, and I sell victim, like for any listeners out there who's like yes, I am one of those people who believes I am just that and you feel bad about that. Like, please don't, because all of us, for a very long time, we're indoctrinated to believe that we, that's just the way we are. I mean, I went to therapy for like I don't know 10 years and never got any relief because a lot of it was just reinforcing. In a sense, that's just the way you are, Like, you have to learn how to cope with it and it's like no, you don't.

Speaker 1:

I'm not just going to cope with it, we are going to eradicate it, baby. Yes, yes, yes, okay. Anything else about before inner work that you feel is important to share, that you want to share?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I really, you know, I know those are the two big ones, yeah, but a lot of it, too, came down to just, you know, the drive of needing to be accepted and needing to feel loved and needing like a lot of the behaviors you know. Looking back, obviously, but I realized we're coming from a void that I was trying to fill.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I think a lot of times like we, we feel that void but we don't actually realize how we've been coping for so long and a lot of these were just coping mechanisms that, like, made me feel good or in control temporarily.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes. I'm curious if you'll resonate with this or not when you said a few minutes ago, you know like, oh, just love yourself. And you're like I get it. And I think I got it. I think I was like in 2012 for a position at NASA and.

Speaker 1:

I was nervous and I was open about it too, not not to the person that I was interviewing with, but beforehand. I was waiting while somebody else interviewed and I told these women who they already worked there. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so nervous, and they responded just be yourself, worked there was like, oh my gosh, I'm so nervous. And they responded just be yourself. I didn't say anything at that point, but that was the worst thing that I could have been told, because at that point I was control freak, perfectionist, high functioning, anxiety, people pleaser, all the things, all of the defensiveness, all those patterns. And so when they said, just be yourself, who I thought I was, were these things that I was hiding? Yes, versus who I know I am post, inner work is love, and anything that is not love is insecurities, trauma, defensiveness. Yeah, all of that. Yes, yeah, you resonate with it.

Speaker 2:

I, I do, and that actually brings up like it's. It jogged my memory a little bit, because my mom, I love my mom, we're so close, but it's like my mom used to tell me that all the time of like she could see it Right, Like from an outside, looking in perspective of someone who knew the real me uninhibited yeah, she could see it that it's like you've got to love yourself, just be yourself, like that is enough and like, no matter how much she tried to instill that in me and tell me that to me, I didn't know what that meant at when I like pre-work, and the reason I didn't know what that meant is because I genuinely saw it. I don't want to show who I am because I'm anxious. I'm a people pleaser, I'm, you know, all these things that I deemed as my weaknesses.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and in addition to that, because I was hanging on to like all of those things and suppressing who I really was, I also thought I was a very angry and sarcastic and dark person. Yeah, because that was how my emotions were trying to get out, and so it led to so much suppression, not just of like the real me, but it also led to just a lot of depression and feeling lost in. Who am I even? What is the point of any of this? Because I just couldn't grasp onto that, because all I saw was the insecurity and the people pleasing and the flaws. Yes, yes, yes. So it jogged that memory of like, yeah, like you know, we have these well-intentioned advice, but it doesn't do enough because it can't get through and be received in the way it's meant to be received.

Speaker 1:

Until you do the inner work. Until you do the inner work.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay, so walk us through. Was there a moment, a breakdown, before the breakthrough? What happened for you?

Speaker 2:

Yes, there was a huge breakdown before the breakthrough and, you know, in 2020, I know 2020 was kind of a tricky year for every health care provider out there, but it was my breaking point. It was my breaking year and, yes, leading up to that point, I was already at the point of burnout, but that was like the straw that broke the horse's back. That was where it it was either quit my job or I'm not making it through this year or I'm not making it through this year.

Speaker 2:

Like that is where I was in a very mentally dark place that I'm not afraid to share, because there have been so many times that people don't share that and it's like no people need to hear that. People need to hear it. And luckily, I had a very supportive husband who was like we will be fine, Quit your job, let's figure out what the next step is. Like this this is not it. Like I, I do not want to lose you. Like I love that you have him. Yes, and so I did. I quit my job. I had no plan in place. It was scary as hell, Let me tell you that. But during that time I stumbled into entrepreneurship, meaning I was just doing something for myself. And I was baking, just as my own therapy, and that became a business that replaced my teaching and some which is crazy to even fathom Baking Amazing Baking.

Speaker 1:

Yes, why do I think of the student loan? Fair, remind me again, remind me again.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm a baker now. Yeah, but it then, you know, and I thought, okay, maybe it was just the thing I was doing and that's why I was burnt out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I blamed. You know, I chalked it up as a blame game of, like it was the external thing, it was the job, it was the boss, it was the crappy healthcare system, all these things, and then I burnt out again and that's, that was my true rock bottom bottom oh yeah because you hadn't changed.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I had a change. Yeah, and that's what you know. That's what really put me on that curiosity journey of like why, if it's not the boss and the job and it's not these external things that I keep blaming, then what is it?

Speaker 1:

And it was like bye, it's me.

Speaker 2:

There's only one left. Yes, there was only one common denominator, and that was me, and that led me to just kind of starting to look at what is it within me that is continuing to lead to this point of burnout. And that's really where I stumbled upon the inner work that I do and that I teach, which showed me a lot about what I can control and what I can't control, and once I was able to realize that, that's where the turning point happens.

Speaker 2:

That was like my big aha, where everything changed Everything, everything. Like totally different person, like if you saw me in 2020 versus who I am today, you wouldn't even think I'm the same person.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I love hearing that yes that, yes, incredible, incredible, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, anything about the way that I saw things in the past and a lot of it came down to my own subconscious beliefs of myself, my worthiness, my insecurities, all of these things and I'm a master certified neuro coach.

Speaker 2:

That's what I forgot to mention is that the inner work was in a certification that I took for myself. Yes, and that's where I realized the only thing that I really can change is the way that I perceive things, the way that I interpret things and those subconscious beliefs that I choose to hold or not hold. And once I was able to accept that that I can't control, you know, my husband or I can't control my boss or the way other people see things I could control the way I've seen things. You get to choose, yes, and that led to just self-accountability. Yes, speak in my language, baby. That also led to the changes, because that is what allowed me to be free from this like victimhood or like this martyrdom that was actually perpetuating my own anxiety, because I saw that you know what? If I can change motor patterns as a PT, yeah, why did I not realize I can change belief patterns also?

Speaker 2:

exactly, of course you can, and that was the big turning point and that changed everything, because that's what led to me getting curious about what are my beliefs, what are my, you know, insecurities, what are these things? And starting to understand myself on a deeper level not just what emotions am I feeling, but like what's driving those emotions, and that's what I learned to change and what I teach other people how to recognize and then change that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that so much. As you were talking, the memory of one specific client came in. She was new in my program and talking about an awful situation that had happened in the past with some people in her family and she was like, yeah, but it's a bad thing. So how do I just feel differently about it? And it's like you get to choose. You get to choose all of it, and that's one of the things that I love. Walking people through is and it might sound, it's not going to sound odd to you, but to people who haven't done the work you get to choose how you feel about the quote unquote bad things that happen. You get to see them as whatever you want to. I could see the fact that I didn't get a job at General Dynamics in. Let's see 2012 as a bad thing, as a horrible thing, or it was one thing that lined me up perfectly to be on this path and I can have gratitude for that.

Speaker 2:

I know that's like the you know, simple, small thing, but we get to choose how we feel about all of it and what we believe, where clients will say yeah, but and will tell me like a situation that really is, you know, not a great situation, like point blank. I'm sorry you're going through that type of thing. Yeah, and I actually had a very similar situation post-work with my in-laws actually work with my in-laws actually where like it was a girl's thing where the girls would invite everyone to girls night and I wouldn't get invited and it was this whole thing right like, yes, I could have seen it as.

Speaker 2:

This is the worst thing ever. This is like I can't change that. Woe is me, all of that. But once I started doing the work around, looking at things differently, like you were sharing of perspectives, it also made me take accountability, for where am I not advocating for myself? That's also leading to the results that I keep getting and a lot of it was, you know, just not speaking up about what I was feeling to these situations.

Speaker 1:

Or about what you want. I'm guessing, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And once I was able to stop blaming them for all the reasons why I was feeling this way, that way, so on and so forth, that's where I was actually able to take responsibility and say, well, yes, it is making me feel that way and here's what I can do about it. And so that led to a conversation, and then I realized the only reason they weren't inviting me is because they thought I was just too busy. Like, yeah, it was innocent. It was innocent and that changed everything.

Speaker 1:

Like we are very good, like relationship, we're very close, yeah, but that's all it took was me not making it mean something about me yeah so that I could take action yes, and I know some people listening right now they're like, yeah, but in my, my situation, it's not innocent and the beautiful thing is that most of the time you're wrong and I mean frankly, yes, we will.

Speaker 1:

Our brain will find evidence for what we believe. So if you believe that those people are awful and villains and they cut you out and they they're not doing it for some reason you will find evidence for that. You get to choose the meaning that you put on it and you get to break that story and break that meaning by doing just what you did Rihanna and saying something. Yes, I look at that as openness is the grand simplifier, because when I've had clients and I give them a framework for how to address these stories that their mind has made up, when they do it, I'm telling you. Almost 100% of the time they've come back and they're like Steph, I was wrong, yes, yeah, and I don't say I told you, so I just said, oh, isn't that great.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like find some evidence of the opposite, right yeah, of like where that's not always the case, and you will start to see I'm actually making a lot of assumptions from this subconscious belief that's firing, yeah, and it happens so much in different situations entrepreneurship, family, all of these other things that it's like. You know, I have clients who are like, oh, they didn't respond, and that means this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, they didn't respond, and that means this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I'm like, well, did they tell you that? No, no, they didn't. So until they explicitly tell you to your face, it's an assumption.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely Okay. Anything else you want to share about where you are today?

Speaker 2:

No, just you know, I know the inner work is uncomfortable, but the freedom and internal peace on the other side is huge, is everything.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so worth it. So that's like really the only thing that I wanted to add.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so, so, so worth it. I'm biased, clearly, since this is what I do for a living, but I could not agree more. I have one or two more questions. The first one is what advice do you have for a high achieving woman who may be listening right now and she finds that she asked herself why am I like this? And maybe she has moments where she feels broken.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, first off, it is okay to feel that way, but the good news is you don't have to stay there. Yeah, and the biggest advice that I would give is it's really when you say enough is enough and I know that that sounds very simple, but that is where all of the people that you've probably worked with, that I've probably worked with, even our stories that we've shared you know, chatting in conversations that was the turning point for everything was when I started to say I am tired of feeling this way. Yeah, is there a better way? And even if it takes you, you know, working multiple times with different people to finally find whatever way that is for you, just start to look for that better way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Even if it's just starting to question why is it that person X can like, see, like, experiences this emotional freedom, and I can't seem to do that? Yeah, what is it that we're doing different? And just be curious. That is like my biggest advice is just start to be curious, even if you don't take action.

Speaker 1:

Just start to ask questions yeah, take action, but I was also going to chime in and say one of the most important things that I heard you say is be curious and get curious. You said it a few times today and that stance can create so many shifts for us. When we come from that, rather than judging ourselves or putting ourselves down or thinking this is just the way that I am, it's like okay, what about the way that I'm doing things, maybe creating what I don't want? Everything that you want is on the opposite side of what you are avoiding. What are you avoiding?

Speaker 2:

Yes, and it really comes down to that curiosity.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and it really comes down to that curiosity.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yep, absolutely. Thank you so much for coming on today. If anyone listening to the podcast wants to follow you, where can they find you? So I am at doctorriannamulcahy. You can find me there. You can shoot me a DM. That's where I tend to be yeah, and the name of your podcast. The name of my podcast is Breaking the Entrepreneur Burnout Cycle so beautiful yeah okay, I will link both of those in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

And, roughly, I don't. Nearly 50% of the people that I work with are entrepreneurs, so I'm sure that there's some listening right now as well. All right, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for listening today. Are you ready to finally heal and break free from anxiety, including symptoms like replaying interactions, fearing making mistakes, imagining worst case scenarios and constant worrying? If so, dm me the word free on Instagram at Dr Stephanie Lopez and I will send you a link to my completely free class to officially ditch anxiety.

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Dr. Stephanie Lopez

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