Embracing the Present to Eradicate Stress

Ever felt trapped by stress, just like being caught in a never-ending traffic jam? Imagine shifting from a state of anxiety to one of calm resilience. Today we'll redefine your understanding of stress and resilience. By exploring common stress triggers and learning to manage our reactions, we'll reclaim our power and make more empowered choices that reduce stress and increase resilience.

Discover how to break free from the 'Chinese finger trap' of stress, challenge the belief that situations are inherently stressful, and master the three pillars that can transform your response to life's challenges. Get ready to unlock a new level of calm and capability, even in the face of unexpected obstacles.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. The concept that nothing is inherently stressful.
2. The three pillars to eradicate stress.
3. Common beliefs that lead to stress.

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💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com

Chapters

• 0:04 Stress and Resilience
• 12:11 Empowerment Through Acceptance and Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are in fact not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm gonna show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:47

There I am sitting on the interstate going zero miles per hour. It's 9 am and I'm supposed to be boarding my flight at 10.30. I have to get to Arizona for an appointment at a specific time in order to have another appointment the following day, and the traffic is not moving Zero miles per hour. It's been five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes Still haven't moved. Still haven't moved. Would you consider this a stressful situation? Would you tell somebody else? Oh my God, I was so stressed out yesterday.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Welcome back to the Broken to Brave podcast. Today I want to talk to you about how to eradicate stress from your life. I imagine, if you're sitting listening, you would probably feel like that is a stressful situation, because there's literally nothing that you can do and you're stuck. And I want to tell you that the old me would have been so stressed out and would have not been handling it well, and the new me felt calm and at ease and knew somehow, some way, even if I don't get to the airport on time, everything will work out just fine. And I want to talk to you about how to do that in your life. Before we go there, let's talk about what is stress. Stress is a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation, and I just want you to think about, on a scale from zero to 10, what is your typical stress level in a given week and what do you want it to be? Now, one of the key things that we need to build in your life is your resilience, and this is the ability to recover from setbacks, to adapt well, to change change and to keep going in the face of adversity. And I'm tell you that when I talk to people about resilient, they tend to feel like they are very resilient. However, they also tend to feel like they're very stressed out, so there's something not in alignment here. Or maybe they feel like they have to be so resilient because life is just stressful. And what if that is not true? And what if resilience is more about short, quick recovery, where you feel unfazed by situations where people typically feel very stressed out, not like you're a robot, but that you have that confidence and that trust, like I mentioned at the beginning? What if that's resilience? And what if nothing is inherently stressful? And you might have heard that and been like the hell. What is this chick talking about?

Speaker 2: 4:06

I want you to actually ponder this for a moment. What if nothing is inherently stressful? I know that you've been in a situation where you felt really stressed out, and you know somebody else who didn't. That could be a work meeting, it could be something at home, it could be something out about with your kids, for instance, it could be traveling. Let's just use the work situation. If you're in a work meeting and there's a leader that gives a new direction for the company or is giving a vision or an update on a project, and you walk out, if you asked five people in the room how they feel, they would all respond differently. Maybe there would be a little bit of overlap, but there would be some people who definitely interpreted it differently. So that tells us, at least gives us a clue. What if the situation is not inherently stressful and there's something within me that I can change, that I can shift, so that I'm not constantly reacting from a state of stress?

Speaker 2: 5:15

I want you to sit with me for a moment and think about if this sounds like you. I'm going to go through a list and I just want you to just make a mental note. One, two, three, four, five, if it sounds like you, number one, you have so many things that you think that you should be doing and you rarely feel like you're doing enough, and you find that you are unable to relax without feeling guilty. Number two you compare yourself to others who are successful, maybe more successful than you are, and that can bring up feelings of inadequacy, and then you feel frustrated with yourself for not being grateful. Number three at least once a week, you're afraid to make the wrong decision. You second guess yourself across a variety of situations with your career or your business or with your kids, because you feel unclear what the right choice is. Number four you rarely feel present because in any given moment, you are mentally preparing or thinking about another situation.

Speaker 2: 6:22

And number five at least every few months, your mind plays out the worst case scenario, for instance, if you fear that somebody's going to give you negative feedback, whether it's a client or a colleague or a supervisor, and then you worry oh my gosh, is this going to ruin my reputation? Is this going to be the end of me? Am I going to have to get a new job? And then maybe, if you're at home, you yell at your kids. Your mind jumps to oh my God, I'm going to ruin them for life. Either way, the mind is jumping to worst case scenario.

Speaker 2: 6:56

Well, if so, this is a key indicator that you are allowing yourself to react to situations without taking back your power, without stepping into that empowered state and that choice state. What if I choose whether I feel stressed or not? Now I'm going to pause here and be completely transparent with you. This is one of the things that I have had to come back to on my inner work journey multiple times, because what messaging do we get from society and our parents and our friends and our spouse and all of that? Everything that you see I'm willing to bet at least everything I see insinuates things are inherently stressful. I don't see anybody else out there saying what, if nothing, is inherently stressful. I have not read that in a book, I have not seen that on Instagram. I have not heard that on a book, I have not seen that on Instagram, I have not heard that on a podcast, and so it's natural and can be normal for you to come back to that and to just assume, yeah, things are inherently stressful, and I want today for you to just open your mind just a little bit like maybe, maybe that's not true. I'm not saying I know without a shadow of a doubt. But what I am saying is that if you consider this, you're far more likely to move in that direction versus if you insist. No, things are inherently stressful. Life is inherently stressful. If you insist on that, it will always be true for you Always. So you get to decide. Do I want that to be my reality or do I want to have choice here?

Speaker 2: 8:45

So what is necessary in order to eradicate stress and feel present, calm, at ease and capable even when you're in situations like I was stuck in traffic, not able to get to the airport how can you feel calm and at ease in those situations? Comes back to three pillars analyze data, debate, choice and absolute acceptance. And I'm going to tell you what I see. When people go to therapy and when they go to coaches, they don't get all three of these pillars embodied and nailed down. For the most part, most are focusing on a piece. But you need all three working together in order to eradicate stress and feel present, calm, at ease and capable. And I'm not saying you're going to be a robot and you're never going to fall off the bandwagon, you're never going to feel stressed again. No, what I am saying is, when you embody these, not only will you feel calmer way calmer in situations like me going to the airport, but you will also be able to get back on the bandwagon whenever you fall off and do feel stressed, and you'll be able to do that without judging yourself, without being harsh and with ease. Now I want to give you today one concrete tool within one of these pillars, for you to be able to put into practice and start using that tool and see the shifts that can begin to happen in your life.

Speaker 2: 10:23

What are we talking about? We are talking about the way that you are choosing to respond to situations based on your underlying belief. So, when a situation happens that we do not want obviously I didn't want to be stuck on the interstate headed to the airport there is almost always one underlying belief that exists. This belief causes more stress and less resilience, and you don't have to guess. I'm going to tell you what it is. It's some version of this should not be happening, or I don't want this to be happening, or I don't like what's happening. This should not be happening If you keep telling yourself this should not be happening. The way that I look at this is, and this is how I looked at it for myself.

Speaker 2: 11:22

This is essentially fighting life. This is essentially resisting life. Let me ask you this question no matter how many times in the past you have fought life or you have resisted life or you have told yourself this shouldn't be happening, I don't want it to be happening. Did it change anything? Never, not a single time.

Speaker 2: 11:50

You can think of this as the Chinese finger trap. If you put your fingers in and you pull away, your fingers are stuck. Why that? Is you resisting the finger trap? This is a symbol of you resisting life, if you're resonating with this. And so what do we want to do? Let go.

Speaker 2: 12:11

When you move your fingers in, you are free of the finger trap. When you are not bought into this belief this shouldn't be happening and you're like, okay, well, this is what's happening, then that resistance isn't there, then you're free. When you're free in this way, your mind has resources available to problem solve, to think with clarity, to take next steps, to be in tune with your intuition, to figure out what do I want to do next? This is where I am right now. And what if I don't have to fight where I am right now and I can focus on what is the next best step for me. All right Now.

Speaker 2: 12:56

What I want you to do over the next week is apply this to your life, because you could listen in one ear out the other. No, actually apply this to your life. Start noticing over the next week or two where am I fighting life? Where am I resisting what's happening? Do I want to believe that's true? And remember, this is one tip from one aspect of the three pillars, and you really need all three pillars to be working together, embodying all three of those to break free and eradicate stress, and those are analyze data, activate choice and absolute acceptance. Now I'd love to hear what you took away from this episode and in what areas of your life you apply it. To Send me a DM on Instagram and keep me updated on how you're using this. Again, my handle is Dr Stephanie Lopez. That's D-R Stephanie Lopez. I hope you have a beautiful week.

Speaker 1: 13:50

Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal, so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation, dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.