Broken to Brave | Guiding you to heal & break free from anxiety

Cultivating Resilience in Motherhood with Lauren Dailey

• Dr. Stephanie Lopez • Episode 52

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Have you ever felt adrift after leaving behind a world where your every achievement was applauded? Lauren Dailey knows that all too well, transitioning from a high-flying career to the life of a stay-at-home mom, battling with her sense of self-worth as her accustomed external validation slipped away.

Today, she joins us to recount the revelations and transformations sparked by her BRAVE-cation retreat experiences. Lauren's story mirrors that of many women who find themselves seeking identity and assertiveness amidst life's changes, and it's a narrative that not only connects us all but also opens the doors to a journey of self-discovery and resilience.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. Transition to stay-at-home motherhood.
2. Personal growth and self-discovery at the BRAVE-cation retreats.
3. The power of vulnerability and connection.

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Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are, in fact, not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm gonna show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back everyone. I am so excited for today's episode. I actually have Lauren Daly on the podcast with me today, and I met her on Instagram through one of my friends, and the reason I have her on is she's going to share her experience attending a Bravecation retreat, and actually more than one. She may talk about that, but without further ado, we'll just dive right in. So, lauren, tell me a little bit more about you and what led you to come to Bravecation.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so at this time in my life I am a stay-at-home mom of two. I have two boys. They are seven and four and a half, but I did attend my first Bravecation when they were both a year and a half younger than they are now. So I started my stay-at-home mom journey after 12 years of working pretty much right about the time my second was born, which was only a few months before pandemic time hit. So motherhood that I pictured, a stay at home mom life was like mom groups and connections with people and friends really wasn't an option.

Speaker 2:

I dove into kind of the social media realm and like what was everybody else doing to fill their time and to fill their mom bucket more than just like taking care of your kids? I came across you and a lot of what you were sharing on finding yourself as a previous high achieving person in the business world, working out there, getting my reward or fulfillment based on accolades, success. You've got another year, you get a review and a raise, you are working towards goals there's always these things and kind of motherhood felt yeah, you can see your kids growing and achieving, but but who am I kind of in all the mix of it? It felt messy. So when I saw your first option for a bravecation, the whole concept of it seemed wonderful, but also the concept of for four days, somebody else gets to make the choices for me the food, the what happens next, connecting with people I was dying for all of that.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes. That is such a hard time to leave your job and become a stay at home mom, like I remember. It was a different experience for me because I was on maternity leave starting March 20, maybe 17th 2020. And then, all of a sudden, you know, I had Annabella she was two and Sophie as a newborn and I was like how do stay-at-home moms do this? And Ed was like this is not stay at home mom life. You can't leave the house. And I was like, very true, Everything was shut down, cause I was like this is horrible. Um, but all that to say, I just like relate, but from a different perspective, about how hard that time was. Gosh, I can't. I I mean, I can kind of imagine, but I can't imagine that being like your first, like, oh, now I'm, I made this huge change and this is not what I wanted or expected.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I feel like in parenthood and life that happens probably more often than not right, like even just a career change or anything. You're like, oh, that's not exactly how I anticipated it. What do I do from here? How do I not continue to live in these perpetual thoughts that are not serving me, like there's a lot that I have control over and I can make some changes, but sometimes circumstances are going to happen Like you've got to keep your job to, you know, keep bills on the table, or you can't go back to work because of COVID or kids, or whatever your circumstances. I can tend to be someone who just was like this isn't how it's supposed to be, this isn't what I thought, and I just I can really spiral in those moments realizing that that's not actually the reality that's happening. That's a lot of just what I kind of do inside my own head Because you're human.

Speaker 1:

I'll just normalize that. Yes, yes, yes. So tell me a little bit more about what you were dealing with, if there's anything beyond what you already said.

Speaker 2:

Coming into the retreat, how you felt, what you were going through, said, coming into the retreat, how you felt what you were going through. I would say each retreat has given me this hunk of learning that has carried over for each of them that it's almost so that my first retreat, when I showed up, I was a younger. I read, you know, self-help books and all kinds of things, but I was, I would like to say I was self-help books and all kinds of things, but I was, I would like to say I was self-aware and working on myself, but I had no idea how much was under the surface. And Dr Steph just has a way that when you bring up a topic, it you get a room full of women and we're all so different and we come from all over the country and we show up together. But everybody's story is so relatable that, even if it wasn't my intent when I showed up, dr Steph does something great. She has us write down our intents prior to coming into the retreat and then look back on them, kind of before we meet and talk.

Speaker 2:

My intent was to work on my communication, to really be able to stand up for myself. I found that I often, looking back on it, I kind of felt like a doormat. I let every I'm a people pleaser. I let everybody get their way and be happy. I love seeing the people around me happy, and I still do. But I found that there is space in between all of that for me to say, you know, that doesn't feel, that doesn't feel good for me. Or here's what I would like to in still allowing people their own space also.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2:

So people, please, are trying to figure out how to have conversations. That might not be the easiest, as in they might not make someone happy, but like hey, I need to carve out a little bit of time for myself in the day or in this week. Not really uncomfortable to me because I typically didn't ask for anything. I was pretty good with the flow, easy to deal with, but I felt a lot of stress underneath it, feeling like I had no place to get my thoughts and ideas out. So first retreat I came in needing to figure out like where do I fit into the world, sort of being mom and wife.

Speaker 2:

I came out with some amazing skills and strategies and learning how to have a conversation. I like to think that I was saying what I wanted or what I needed out of a situation, but it turns out that like here's me saying the word and here's what I wanted, and I would go on this like squiggly path and I thought that I was being clear with what I wanted and I'm not sure I ever actually said the real thing that I wanted. So Dr Steph taught us all kinds of great different ways to to directly tell somebody without being mean, or it doesn't have to be cruel or rude, but like being being okay with the fact that there are wants and needs for each person. So I probably spent a year building conversations that were effective, like they were more effective than anything that I had ever done before, and I felt better at the end.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I'm so proud of you. I got goosebumps hearing you say that.

Speaker 2:

And I still do Sometimes when I'm like, oh, this isn't going to I know this might not settle well or this is going to be a tough topic for me to bring up and maybe for the other person to hear, not only with my spouse, but sometimes with friends, especially in like raising kids. We have different views on how we approach parenthood and life, also with my parents and their grandparenting role. Like what does that, what does that look like? I love that you're willing to help, but like what are my expectations when you're also watching my children? I love that you're willing to help, but like what are my expectations when you're also watching my children? Can be really tough for me to bring up things that maybe I'm not super comfortable talking about. I still use the strategies we learn, you learn, you know a year and a half ago and look, oh, this is going to be hard. How would Dr Steph approach this conversation?

Speaker 1:

I love that so much, lauren, and I hope that you give yourself credit for that, because every now and then people learn the tools and they don't use them, they don't apply them, and so if you're just learning it but not actually embodying it and applying it, then it doesn't do any good to just kind of know it in your head, so so yeah, you know, there are times where I know it in my head and I kind of ignore it for a minute and it's really worked the way I thought it would turn out.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, but I would say, coming into retreat this is my second retreat attending as myself, but my third retreat I was really just completely open to what does the world look like for me outside motherhood? So I learned to carve out time and space for myself throughout the days. What's my purpose next? Where do I see myself in the future short of taking care of my kiddos, who are growing and they don't quite need me in the same exact way? They're still young, they still need me. But what does life look like for me in the future? And not only see the future, but see it right and see it meeting goals and see it shining forward. That it is, it is my power that I get to have moving towards wherever I want to go.

Speaker 2:

Mm, hmm, we did some really great visualizations this past time that just really allowed my subconscious to go to places where typically, day to day, there's not time for that. We don't have time throughout the busy days. Most of the time, hour by hour, day by day, our days are scheduled. Our kids are busy. Our life is busy. We're figuring out you know what's next. Busy, our life is busy. We're figuring out, you know what's next. Where are we going to be? To, like, sit down and really allow my mind to think forward, and we did a visualization where we were.

Speaker 2:

I visualized myself as almost like a little kind of like ragdoll on a timeline of my life where I am presently and we, in our minds, thought of the experiences that led us to this point in where we see ourself in the future.

Speaker 2:

And my little rag doll before would always kind of get stuck right here, like, okay, here's where you are, here's where you are. I'm not perpetuating and worrying about the future, which is something I did used to do, but allowing it to make some choices moving forward, like where are we going to go? How are we going to attack these things? And I think my biggest takeaway from this retreat is that the time even going to a four-day retreat and leaving my family and stepping away from life is hard for me. There's not somebody else who does what I do, so when you step away, there's a big shoes to be filled. Was that the time that we are putting into ourselves, in our kids, are these little seeds, these tiny little pockets of seeds and of time in myself. So I'm investing small little parts that might seem big now, but as I continue to feed them and grow them and nurture myself again, that I can have a big future rather than just going from zero to 100.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I love that so much and I think I remember you saying at the retreat like I never allowed myself to think about this before and that that was a moment for you Like why not? And then look, now that I have, how good you felt.

Speaker 2:

It was. I didn't even know that it was something I had to think about until it was brought up and the idea of thinking of the future and it being bright and huge blew my mind. Like why haven't I been here before?

Speaker 1:

Yes, I love that so much and these types of experiences, in different ways, come up for people because we do these different. I use different modalities to bring things from the subconscious mind so that you can become aware of them, just like you sharing with the imagery. And I want to circle back to one thing, in case people like heard you say this line and we're like what you said. This is the second time I came as myself, so if you haven't been to a Bravecation retreat, you wouldn't know. I always have an assistant and in February 2023, I was like trying to think what year we were I asked Lauren a few months prior to that to come, if she would be interested in coming as my assistant for the retreat, and she said yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I absolutely love being able to serve that role too. The first retreat, like I said, was initially seemed like a great idea because someone else was taking care of me for a couple of days and then having the person that was assistant my first retreat, I love to do that for somebody else. That sounds amazing. Sure, dr Steph, I'll be there and in my downtime I'll just like kind of pop in with you guys and see what's up and get some of your amazing wisdom and then go back to doing serving, which I absolutely love, and Dr Steph's wonderful. She had somebody else already lined up the year ahead, um, but I was like I need to, I want to sit there, I want to be in with you guys full time, I want to be there. So was able to come back, I would say, three times now, and I am so excited that I've signed up for next year already too. So it will be four.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I can't wait for you to come again. I'm so excited. Now, if you think back to the first time, or even the most recent time, was there anything like? Were you nervous at all coming into it?

Speaker 2:

of wrecking Coming in or I almost real big, vulnerable is huge. You're entering a room while some of the few of the women were repeats. I did not really get to know them super in depth the previous year, so I knew their faces but I didn't know much of their journey. But showing up and being really open changes your experience at Breakcation. So you can show up and you can sit in the room and you can gain a ton. But when you're willing to share your heart and your story more than just like participating and listening, but really communicating, you're going to gain a ton. It's a gate, it's. It's so hard to put into words what happens when you share yourself with other people who are accepting and open and taking you in. It's scary, though, to be like okay, here I go, I'm gonna go for four days and lay myself on the line.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I just got teary eyed listening to you say that because I don't think I've shared this with you, but I saw a difference in you between the first one and the most recent, the third one, in terms of the like how okay you were with sharing yourself, versus before it seemed like okay, she's not being completely open when, like the, that first night of day one and watching you show up as a different human was an amazing experience for me, just to witness your growth.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there's, there's definitely been a ton. Also, life has changed a little bit in the past couple years as well, allowing me to not generally a pretty positive person, but I think that it's a defense mechanism that I have put on for quite some time in how I see the future and how I see people around me and how I see experiences, in order to kind of check out a little bit and not let things happen to me. One of the topics we talked about this most recent time was was defense mechanisms, and we talked about it at my first retreat and I was like, nope, don't even have any of those because everything's great, and I'm like, okay, well, there you go. Number one is I am just freezing on past that.

Speaker 1:

If I deny it, I don't have to deal with it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, In dropping some of those or realizing when I put those up in different circumstances in my life. It has allowed me a lot deeper connection with the people around me, in being vulnerable when things feel difficult, with my friends and with my spouse too.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes, I'm so glad that you have let that down so glad, okay, so I'm curious did you have a favorite part about the retreat? Am I allowed to say my?

Speaker 2:

Harry Potter room. Oh sure, that was just an added bonus. That was not my favorite part of the retreat at all, but we did have a really cool room. It was so cool.

Speaker 2:

My favorite part is the connection between each of the activities that we do. So I don't know if I have like one specific topic, but it is. Dr Steph normally starts each of the day with some sort of interactive thing rather than just like all of us kind of sitting in a chair in a circle, but some movement and without us realizing that, this activity that we're doing is going to dive kind of into what we're doing for the day and, as you're doing, I wonder what we're going to be doing today. Should I be paying attention to this, Each of those throughout the day? And then I got to have my first tarot card reading.

Speaker 2:

I've never done one before, but it was also fascinating One of the ladies there does that how much connection there was between the cards that she laid out, the topics that we talked about, and how absolutely everything had a deeper connection, probably even more so than you that you could even realize. All connected, everything kind of made me feel I felt like I was maybe a broken puzzle piece and by the end of that retreat the pieces were together and I'm like this is so clear. This is what I need to do next.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, I have full body goosebumps right now that this is you know. In my opinion, have full body goosebumps right now that this isn't you know in my opinion, but that is the universe at work right there.

Speaker 2:

Wow, and I think it was during the retreat you kept talking about, but was it something? I questioned you and you said you were talking about this.

Speaker 1:

put the intention of like, yeah, like, and the answer will come. Is that what you're referring to? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yes, in general, and that was not something that I've ever wrapped my head around. It's like I've got goals and I write them down and that's what we do, but I'm like, what's an intention? Like what kind of intentions would you put? I want to win a million dollars, but it's not even that. And even if that is your thing, like I want to strive to, you know, start a new business and make a million dollars like that could be an intention that I put out there. But just the idea of, like I want more for myself. Think about that. How are all my choices aligning to the fact that, like I want more, I want myself to have more? The intention is out there and how we kind of keep it in the back of our mind throughout we do things. I thought that you were talking to somebody else, that was somebody else's thing, okay, you got it. But like, as soon as it clicked for me that that you can do that too.

Speaker 1:

Yes, bam, yes, yes, yes. And so a little bit more context there was. I think these were like separate interactions with people and I told somebody to basically put the intention of receiving an answer that they wanted Whether I can't remember the exact like exactly what it was, but clarity around a question they had about themselves or something along those lines. And then later you brought up like how does that work? Like that's really confusing and you know what's wild, During the retreat, an attendee from February 2023 wrote to me and she said that, like at February 2023, she put the intention of figuring out why she got so emotional about her birthday every year because it was confusing, or not? Every year at Bravecation she got emotional about it and it was confusing to her, and she just let that be there, Like I'll receive the answer when I need to, and she got clarity. So it was like a perfect example of exactly what you were questioning. Like, okay, how does this work? Example of exactly what you were questioning like, okay, how does this work? And I'll talk about the science part of this we have something called a Recticular Activating System or RAS, R-A-S, and it's basically a fancy filtering system because we cannot process everything that comes into our world every single day. It's just too much. So our mind is like, okay, well, this is important to her, so I'll let her know this. This is important to her, so I'll let her know this. This is not. This is not, this is not, so I'll filter those things out.

Speaker 1:

A concrete example of this is like my friend got a Subaru a few years ago probably more than a decade at this point Maybe it was like 15, 16 years ago, but a few years ago maybe I'm getting a little old and I had never heard of Subaru. I literally thought it was like a brand of jet skis and I was like, huh, that's weird. And later I ended up buying a Subaru as my car, and before I bought it I never saw a Subaru anywhere. And then I started seeing them everywhere. And so it's not that there were suddenly Subarus on the road and a day prior there weren't. It's that my Recticular Activating System didn't think Subarus were important, so it filtered them out. And so, just like Lauren said, well, okay, you taught me, now I can set that intention for what I want and be clear about it and then receive the answer, because now your mind knows oh, she wants this answer. We won't filter it out and that is exactly how it works.

Speaker 2:

It was like I don't know what that means. Oh, here, here it comes, and it can be more than you know. One thing at one time. It could be more than just Subarus. But like, what am I looking for here? Yep.

Speaker 1:

Yep, exactly. Okay, so anything else that you want to share about what you thought about Bravecation or your takeaways?

Speaker 2:

So I want to say that maybe another huge takeaway or another thought that just kind of stuck with me in all of Bravecation was the final day. We got to kind of brainstorm and put some of our thoughts down in our journals that we use. You said how are you feeling, how are you guys feeling going into this last day, write anything you want. And I was feeling a lot like that puzzle piece where everything had kind of been clicked into place. I'm like, okay, good to go, that's what it. You know, I feel like I came and accomplished what I needed for this retreat, but I also felt so bad.

Speaker 2:

I feel like the experience that you have there is one that is impossible to take home and translate to other people that in leaving the house, the bubble, the place that we've kind of we and we got out of the bubble, we went to and had a fancy dinner and we got out.

Speaker 2:

But I didn't want anybody else to take away from me the fulfillment and the goodness and the whole puzzle piece getting together to step back in real life, where things are hard and where stuff is cynical and people put judgments on you, my perceived judgments that they have on me. Entering back into the real world. It felt like, oh, I don't want to walk out of this safe space, but I do have the skills and I do have the ability to approach tough situations and also to give more of myself than what I want. The retreat was wonderful, everything was great and I can leave it at that. I don't have to explain myself to anybody else, that's not needed. So I was really sad to be leaving because I just wanted one more day, wanted one more day into the safe space that we had.

Speaker 1:

Can I share something that just came to me? Yeah, I don't know, as I was listening to you talk, I just had this feeling like what, if that like sadness was there to guide you to what part of you wants to create more of with people in your life, or find more of with people in your life, whether it's like connecting with different women in Ohio or if it's, I don't know, becoming part of a community. That just came to me. So I was like I'm just going to share this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I definitely think that I have friends, and I definitely have friends. They're like brave patient that I can text when things come up, Um. But I don't have, you know, that group of people where you can sit down and really like kind of philosophically, go through um life events with. Uh, there hasn't been, hasn't been made time in my life where, like, I can search out those things. But I definitely think that, uh, I'm at a place where I need to figure out what does creating a little bit of community for myself look like?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I resonate with that too. It's a. It's a very unique experience, for sure. Yeah, anything else there, though? Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Kind of leaning into my own intuition. Intuition leaning into my own sense of self will continue to guide me as I figure out what motherhood and Lauren looks like in the future yes, I love that so much.

Speaker 1:

Okay, last question if someone is listening to this, maybe they had they'd looked into Bravecation in the past and they, like have a desire to come, but they're like, ah, no, I can't do it for X, y, z reasons. What would you want them to know? What do you think that they should know about the experience?

Speaker 2:

It is quite hard to put into exact words of like what you should know, but I think what someone should know is that when you attend and allow yourself the time for you outside of your current life situations, that you will walk away more fulfilled and connected than you've ever been in your life. The people there will give you new skill sets and new friendships and allow you to just grow in a way that you don't even know is possible until you give it a chance.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing Anything else you want to share before we end for today.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean, I guess I feel like everybody should attend a bravecation. I don't think that you have to fit into a certain mold. I don't think that you have to be high, achieving or necessarily have a narcissistic mother, or I think if you are a human, you will benefit from anything Steph does in Bravecation or her Brave Academy.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I've definitely had people say that like this is for everyone. This is, and I'm like yeah, but I can't sell it If I say like this is for all humans then people are skeptical.

Speaker 1:

They're like how could something be for everyone? No, it is. It is, though, yeah yeah. So thank you so much for sharing that. I appreciate you coming on today and sharing more about yourself and your fears and what happened for you at Bravecation and some of your favorite parts. Thank you for everyone listening. I will be back next week with another interview about Bravecation. Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal, so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation, dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.

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Dr. Stephanie Lopez

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