The Therapeutic Power of Surrender

Surrendering to life's unpredictable tide can be a daunting yet rewarding challenge, especially for those who identify as control enthusiasts or relentless perfectionists. In this episode, I dive into my personal journey of grappling with surrender and how I finally cracked its code. Join me as I share how surrender isn't resignation, but rather a powerful tool to navigate life's challenges with grace and peace.

Learn how letting go of resistance can lead to unexpected moments of joy, even in the midst of chaos. If you've ever struggled with control or found yourself constantly fighting against life, this episode is for you. Discover how embracing acceptance can transform your reality and empower you to reclaim your power.

In this episode, I cover the following:
1. Surrender's meaning and significance in personal growth and well-being.
2. The detrimental effects of resisting life's unfolding events.
3. The power of conscious choice in transcending self-limiting beliefs.

______________________________________

[FREE TRAINING]
How high-achieving women can
DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day
www.brave-method.com/anxiety

Which of these results do you want and inspire you the most?
www.brave-method.com/testimonials

💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com

Chapters

• 0:04 Guide to Healing and Personal Growth
• 11:01 Finding Peace Through Surrendering to Life
• 24:44 Empowering Women's Training Discussion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are in fact not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm gonna show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back. I am so excited that you are tuning in again. This week. I have a few updates, one personal and one business related, and I'm excited about both of them, so I want to share that with you before we dive in. Let's do the personal update first, so you know, if you've listened to more than just this episode, or if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, then you know that I am on a surrogacy journey. I'm not carrying the baby yet, but we are moving right along. And the update is that I got the contract to review. Everything has to be agreed upon ahead of time, signed, sealed and delivered, and we are almost there and then we can go to the next step, which is mock transfer, and that is for the doctor to be able to one, double, triple check that I don't have any fibroids. I think that's the right word. If anyone in the medical profession is listening, you would probably know better than I do. But polyps might be right Fibroids, something like that. Anyways, we're going to gloss over that. And then also that gives her the opportunity to make sure that she's familiar with my anatomy, because everybody's anatomy is a bit different. So that just helps the actual transfer go smoothly. And then, once we're done with that, we will do the actual transfer of the embryo. And just to be clear, the embryo is not biologically related to me at all. It's not my baby. Just I'm just going to be the oven babysitting for nine months and I'm super excited for the parents Finally they get to have the baby that they've been dreaming about for so many years. So I just wanted to give you that update.

Speaker 1: 2:44

And the other thing is that I have decided to add another modality and connection point with me inside of my signature program, brave Academy. I've noticed as I've worked with more and more women over the years that a certain percentage of the time, women have a memory or a traumatic event that kind of gets stuck in their mind and it keeps replaying, keeps popping up in their head and keeps bringing them back to that moment and there's usually a lot of fear or anxiety or negative emotion tied to that and it keeps them from moving forward. So what I'm going to do to solve that problem even more effectively is subconscious reprogramming, and we are going to be doing that through something called RRT, which is rapid resolution therapy, and that starts this month. So anyone who joins Brave Academy will be able to take advantage of that right away. And let me just tell you it is going to be incredible. The transformations of people using RRT for these specific traumatic events is nothing short of mind blowing. I'm going to keep you posted on all the details, but I just wanted you to know that this incredible modality is going to be part of what will guide you inside of the program to get unstuck and feel free, calm, happy, present and capable. And I'm thrilled to add it, I'll keep you posted on the transformations that I see inside the program and that I guide women to, that I cause them to have. And enough of that for now and we'll keep you posted.

Speaker 1: 4:40

And let's see, I feel like there was something else I wanted to tell you before we dive in. Oh, I just wrapped up the two day in person. This is my two day retreat and it was so good. There's something really special about coming in person and as much as I try to replicate it online, it is not quite the same. I'll quote one of the women in Brave Academy who attended this most recent two day and she said it's. It felt like a bootcamp, but in the best way. She said it's one thing to learn the theory and then it's a whole nother thing to be immersed in the experience where you were like she didn't use the word trying on, those are my words trying on everything. She said role-playing everything with the other women in the room. I want to just read some of the takeaways.

Speaker 1: 5:39

I had a few women who attended sent me some of their takeaways and one woman said before she came into the program feeling like she wasn't in control of her life, she wasn't feeling joy, she just felt an immense sadness and got her feelings hurt often. And she said she has been so impressed by what she learned. And she said if Steph could help me, she can help you too. Another woman said I wish I did the two days sooner. So at this rate I'm usually offering it roughly once per quarter and sometimes women miss the first opportunity and they go to the second opportunity. And she said I just wish that I did it sooner.

Speaker 1: 6:23

One of the things that I do is an assessment, so we're looking at data about the way that you are showing up in the way that you are choosing to show up, and if it's authentic to how you internally really want to show up. And she said it was really eyeopening, for her Part of it confirmed things that she already knew were was true and she found that really helpful, that confirmation helpful. And then another piece is there were some areas that showed her where she was not being true to herself and where she was actually pretending to show up in a certain way, and she said that part was mind blowing. Okay, let's see what else would be helpful to share with you. Another woman walked away feeling like any time she was trying to experience joy. She was not able to and she'd had this really amazing successful month or couple months in her business and then planned something to celebrate, and then it ended up, when she was trying to do that celebration with her family, that she wasn't able. She just like sort of cataclysm during that experience and almost ruined it a couple of times. So we identified what was going on there so that she can shift that and not have that pattern anymore.

Speaker 1: 7:45

One of the amazing things that I love about coming to the two day is your blind spots get highlighted right there for you, and then I guide you on exactly what to do to overcome those blind spots with ease. There were so many breakthroughs. I could keep on going on, and part of me is tempted to just keep sharing with you, but I'm going to keep going and get on with today's podcast episode. What I want you to know, though, is I have a promotion going on right now for women who join Brave Academy. They will get to come to the two day in-person event. The next one that I have. It's my gift to you, even though I incur extra expenses to host this in-person event. The next one that I have, it's my gift to you. Even though I incur extra expenses to host this in-person event. I do not charge you not even a penny. No extra fee, no extra investment just for you to get an elevated experience in the program, and so I want you to have the opportunity to have these insights and these breakthroughs and these aha moments that you may not get any other way.

Speaker 1: 8:51

So I wanted to share that with you. If you are interested in more information about Brave Academy, do not hesitate to either email me or reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook. And I've got to say another thing that really warms my heart and this is actually happening virtually and it happens in person is the support that the women are giving each other. They're connected on a deep level. They told me like I felt closer in just two days and I could see them like supporting each other and guiding each other through things and pointing things out about what each of them noticed, giving each other feedback, and it was just such a beautiful experience. If you're like me, you will love it, and I have a feeling that, if you're listening to this, that you resonate with a lot of things about the way that I showed up in the past and the way that my clients show up. All right, let's dive in to what I wanted to share with you today.

Speaker 1: 9:55

I want to talk about something that I brought up during the two-day retreat, and this is something that when I first started my journey I really struggled with. My friend introduced me to Gabby Bernstein. Maybe you've heard of her. She's very well-known. I'm trying to think what year this might've been, but it was probably a solid decade ago, so she was less known at that point, but still rather well-known. Anyways, let's keep going.

Speaker 1: 10:23

She would often use the word surrender, surrender, just surrender, and I was like I just have to be honest about my experience. I was like what the hell does that mean? I'm a control freak. I don't know how to surrender. I don't even know what you're talking about when you say surrender. I don't know what that entails. What are you talking about Does not make sense to me, and I read, I think, two of her books at least two and I still wasn't getting it. I just didn't understand what she was referring to and I accepted that at the time.

Speaker 1: 11:01

But I just continued my inner work journey and I ended up getting a lot of clarity around what it means and a lot of clarity that it is 100% possible for you, even if you consider yourself a control freak like I did, even if you consider yourself a perfectionist, even if you consider yourself a worrier or anxious and you're like I just don't know how to take it easy, how to let go, how to just trust that everything will work out. That's how I was and it is 100% possible. And if you're sitting here, okay, yes, I've had these perfectionist tendencies. I want everything to be predictable. If things don't go according to plan, I freak out, I catastrophize, and I want it to be the way that I want it to be. Then keep listening, because I promise you that's not just who you are, that's just how you've learned to be. It's just a survival strategy.

Speaker 1: 12:07

I'm going to connect this to surrendering, and I realized that I had this way of being, this way of moving through the world where I was essentially these are my words fighting life, and what that looked like is, if things didn't go the way that I wanted them to, I would resist it. I would say things like I wish this wasn't happening, or I would think it. At the very least, I don't want this to be happening. This shouldn't be happening. Why is this happening?

Speaker 1: 12:39

And then it was like one thing after another, just one of those days. You've had those days and just where you're like, wishing for it to be different. But let me ask you whenever you have wished for things to be different in that way, has the experience been like one of ease, or has it made it worse? Or it's at least just not made it better? Right, when you're wishing those things away, it doesn't make it ever feel easier. You're with me right on that.

Speaker 1: 13:15

So fighting life in this way is resisting what is happening in this moment, wishing that what is happening right now wouldn't be happening. And when all your energy is in that resistance, it does not make life better or easier. In fact, it makes it worse. It increases feelings of unhappiness, it increases that inner turmoil feeling. Yet it is so common, so common, that for people to do this, to resist, to wish it to be different, to feel like that's just my nature.

Speaker 1: 14:06

But here's the thing what you focus on, you create more of. And in this moment, when you're fighting, when you're resisting what's happening, you're really focused on that and you create more of it. And so you can see how, oh gosh, more of it. And so you can see how, oh gosh, I could see how, this way of being created, this one thing after another effect, okay, if you think about where your energy is placed, it's there. Now. If you think about, okay, did I have any energy to make changes or to make improvements? No, not much, because it's all wrapped up in fighting life. If you want to make improvements or changes, or make the the later today better, where does your energy need to be focused on that, on making the changes and the improvements? You need to have clarity, not be wrapped up emotionally on resisting what is actually happening. All right, you're following me here. So if all of your energy is focused on this resistance, then you're. You don't have that freed up energy.

Speaker 1: 15:20

So I want to show you that, like how I came to understand surrender and it is actually accepting what is. And when a lot of people hear that, they've responded to me like accepting what is, like I'm just not going to have this resignation about it. That's not going to make any better. I have to make sure that it gets better and I can't just accept these bad circumstances or I can't accept things in this way. And what I want referring to is what if I just don't fight this moment and I trust that it is going to work out? And how do I know that? Because everything always works out one way or another. Does it always work out how you want it to? Not necessarily, but very often does it work out a either totally fine or be better than you feared, better than you actually anticipated.

Speaker 1: 16:32

Yes, I actually had a client do this very recently. She's inside of brave Academy I think. She's been in there for seven weeks at this point, maybe six at the time of this recording and I had her do a very concrete task list out things that you're afraid of, that you were afraid like would go wrong. List them out and then document. Did it go like? How did it? What was the outcome, what was the end result? And the reason why I had her do this is because she was worrying and had anxiety about little things, and so one way to help your brain get over those little things is to show yourself. Look at the big things. She made a list of 16, like big things that caused her a lot of inner turmoil, and all but one of them worked out fine or better than she anticipated, and I'm willing to bet that is true for you too. So I want to just highlight with a personal example how I came to understand what actually is acceptance. What does that look like? So let's dive into this.

Speaker 1: 17:47

I was at the time working at NASA and Annabella was around one year old and she was at the daycare on center. And I got in my car. I saw that my gas tank light turned on and I was like okay, it says I have 60 miles left to the tank and I live about 45 minutes away. So I should be totally fine. Totally fine, I got. I can get home, leave her with my husband, and then she won't have to sit in a hot car. I'll just get gas without her. Now, that really sounded like the best situation at the time. So what did I do? I picked her up, we got on the interstate, we're driving, driving, and then, all of a sudden, I push on the gas and nothing happens. And I knew, oh, even though I've never run out of gas before, I know what just happened to me, I know what just happened to me and I pulled over on the side of the road.

Speaker 1: 18:44

Now let me ask you, if I were stuck in this oh, this shouldn't be happening, I don't want this to be happening and, essentially, fighting life, what would I have done? What would you have done in a situation like that. I'm going to tell you what I probably my old self, before going on this inner work journey. What I probably would have done is I would have gotten really upset and started talking poorly to myself, saying you saw the light on stuff. Now you have a baby. You're on the side of the road, no AC in a hot car, it's Florida, for goodness sakes, and you could have just stopped at a gas station. How many gas stations did you pass on the interstate? That would have been my self-talk. I want to share with you what happened instead, because I wasn't fighting life.

Speaker 1: 19:40

What I actually did was I turned off the car. I made a phone call, put my phone down, got out of the car, walked around, unbuckled Annabella from her car seat and played. I sat with her in the car and we played. Because I wasn't fighting life. I actually got to have an enjoyable one-on-one experience with her in a situation where a lot of people would have thought that was a bad part of their day. A lot of people would have resisted that, would have wished it was different, would have beat themselves up. And so this is what I mean by not fighting life happiness, peace, joy, connection.

Speaker 1: 20:39

Because I chose not to fight the moment that I was in, and what I want you to know is that is never how I would have responded before. That's not how I was raised, that's not who I thought I was or what I thought I could do. How can I just not worry? That would have been the question before learning this. So this is possible for you. I know like it doesn't make any sense, and maybe it does. Hopefully it makes complete sense, but I want you to know from doing this inner work through the three pillars that I've explained a few times on the podcast and I'll recap them just really quick Absolute acceptance, activate choice and analyze data. Through the magic of these three pillars together is how you come to choose and how you do things that you didn't think were who you were. You get to choose who you are in any given situation Just because you've always perceived yourself as the type of person that needs predictability and just because you may have perceived yourself as the type of person that just worries and that just has this negative self-talk. That does not mean that's who you are. That's just how you have coped up to now, how you feel in situations that would have previously triggered you, how it would have previously activated you that you would have previously felt frustrated in.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Life does not have to be that hard. It really doesn't. So for me. I got to enjoy that one-on-one time with my daughter. I got that peace, that joy, that happiness and literally everything was fine. And then we got help, we got gas and we went home.

Speaker 1: 22:43

And so if you're sitting here and you've been waiting for the external circumstances to change before you do, I want you to know that is a survival strategy. I want you to really sit with this over the next week or two and ask yourself what have I been telling myself? Needs to change before I change? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work for the external circumstances to change in order to change yourself. Sure, wouldn't that be nice, but then you're just wasting all of your energy just wishing that the situations around you and the people around you and everything around you is different, and they may never be different.

Speaker 1: 23:28

Life doesn't have to be easy to feel. You know my phrase where I say life doesn't have to feel hard. It doesn't mean that I never deal with anything that's challenging. I do all the time, but it's the way that I relate to those situations that has transformed and it's the way that you can relate to those situations that will change your entire life.

Speaker 1: 23:52

If you're waiting for the external circumstances to change and then you're feeling continually frustrated because it's not, you have got to take your power back. You are giving your power away over and over in these situations, and I know this so well because this is what I did for decades. That does not have to be your reality anymore. When you bring these three pillars together, you get to choose. You get to choose how you show up in situations that would have previously resulted in a lot of negative self-talk, that would have previously resulted in frustration, dysregulation in your body, anxiety, worry, anger, rage all of that. That no longer has to be your reality. It doesn't.

Speaker 1: 24:44

So if this resonated with you, if this sounds like you, I highly recommend you check out my free training. It's right about 60 minutes long, maybe 62, just to be exact. Go check it out. I've got the link in the show notes. All you have to do is click it. However, I will also just verbally say you have to do is click it. However, I will also just verbally say, just in case you're in your safari or your Chrome right now wwwbrave-methodcom slash anxiety. That is brave-methodcom slash anxiety, or click the link in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 25:18

And, as always, I would love to hear from you about how the podcast is resonating with you, what's standing out to you and if you have any recommendations or requests. My DMs are always open with any questions that you have. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal, so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation, dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.