Understanding & Overcoming Anxiety

Have you ever found yourself replaying past interactions, feeling overwhelmed by physical sensations, or constantly worrying about the future? Join me as I dive into the intricate world of anxiety and share valuable insights on how to navigate its challenges.

In this episode, I unravel the complexities of anxiety, shedding light on common struggles and revealing key mistakes that may be exacerbating the situation. Through the lens of the Brave Method, I offer practical strategies for understanding and managing anxiety, empowering you to reclaim control over your emotional well-being. Are you ready to break free from anxiety and embark on a journey of empowerment and healing? Tune in now and let's take this transformative step together.

In this episode, you'll learn the following:
1. How to identify anxiety symptoms.
2. Common mistakes in managing anxiety.
3. The best strategy to address anxiety effectively.

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[FREE TRAINING]
How high-achieving women can
DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day
www.brave-method.com/anxiety

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💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com

Chapters

• 0:04 Healing From Difficult Mother and Anxiety
• 13:06 How to Break Free From Anxiety

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are, in fact, not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back, ladies and gents, if we've gotten any gents listening. How was your weekend? I hope your week is going well so far. I have to say, just for me, the year is flying by. It's going really well and I'm welcoming so many women into the Brave Academy and Brave Breathwork and at the same time, it's just been a whirlwind and I cannot believe that we are more than halfway through February. I'm sitting here like how is that possible? I have so many exciting things on the horizon this year and I just cannot wait to tell you. I'm going to share one business update, and I've been teasing this on Instagram, so you lucky ducks are going to hear first, or maybe I'll tell my clients first, I don't know, but either way, you're hearing first. I'm going to get certified in RRT, which is rapid resolution therapy. Not that I'm going to, I am in the process of it right now. A few episodes ago, I spoke with Megan Hillica and we talked a bit about RRT in that episode and just a little insider scoop. It is a method that uses a variety of tools imagery, hypnosis and other techniques to clear traumatic events from the subconscious mind very quickly, and it is very effective and many have just raving, raving reviews about it, so I cannot wait to bring it to you all. I'm so looking forward to it.

Speaker 1: 2:28

Now, what I want to talk about today is I've gotten a question a couple times recently that I want to answer for you, in case you have also been wondering too. This is probably particularly true if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, because you've probably been seeing what I've been talking about over there and posting about, and it's an important question. Before I dive into answering that specific question, I want to ask you do you struggle with anxiety or symptoms of anxiety, for example? I'm going to go through six problems and I want you to ask yourself does this sound like me? You might just identify with one, but jot down or make a mental note if you identify with more than one.

Speaker 1: 3:19

First, you replay your interactions at least twice a month, regretting what you said and wondering what could have been done differently to prevent the situation. Two, you experience reoccurring physical sensations like your stomach feeling like it's turning, shortness of breath, heart racing or even dizziness. Three, at least once a week, you're afraid to make the wrong decision. You find that you second guess yourself across situations, whether it's at work, with your business or with your kids, because you just feel unclear what the right choice is. Four, you rarely feel present because in any given moment you are mentally preparing or thinking about another situation. Five at least every few months, your mind plays out the worst case scenario. A couple examples here. Maybe at work, if your boss suddenly calls a meeting, your mind jumps to you're being fired. Or at home, if you yell at your kids, your mind jumps to you're going to ruin them for life. And then, finally, number six, you worry nearly every day about all the things that you need to do at work, at home and with your family, and you find that you're unable to relax.

Speaker 1: 4:38

To what extent do one or more of these six problems resonate with you? I know in the past that I have been able to relate to all of them. So if you relate to all of them, no problem, it's okay. You can still end up in a very, very different place than you are right now. And there's something important that I want you to know you may be doing things unintentionally that may be prolonging those problems or even making them worse to some extent. So I'm going to walk through five mistakes that I found that my clients, when they first start working with me, they're making most of the mistakes. So I want you, as you listen to this list, to ask yourself am I doing this?

Speaker 1: 5:27

Okay, let's start with number one. You try to think positive. You minimize what you're feeling by telling yourself everything's fine, it's nothing to worry about, it's not that big of a deal, get over it. Number two maybe you try to distract yourself and keep yourself busy so that you aren't consumed by your thoughts or your emotions. Number three you tell yourself to power through everything, and with decision making in particular, maybe you go through a lengthy process of evaluating pros and cons and asking others what they think you should do. Number four maybe you've been going to talk therapy for at least two hours a month for the last three months and your anxiety hasn't reduced more than 20%. And then, number five, you try to shut down your inner critic, that negative voice in your head, and make it go away. Which of these resonates with you? Which mistakes are you making? And then, obviously, the answer here is to stop doing these things so that you're not prolonging the anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety.

Speaker 1: 6:36

And just a quick question here did you have any idea that these might actually be doing that, that doing these things would prolong your anxiety or your symptoms of anxiety? My guess is probably not right. I think that's a safe assumption. Or you wouldn't be making these mistakes. But now that you're aware, it may take courage to do things differently. But there's magic in it. There's magic in the three pillars of the Brave Method Analyze data, activate choice and absolute acceptance. And if you feel stuck in anxiety, I am willing to bet like big money. I'm willing to bet that you are missing at least one of these three pillars and that's why you haven't found your way out. And if you don't have all three of these pillars embodied and mastered, you won't find your way out. This is really where the magic is. The magic is read.

Speaker 1: 7:37

I want to circle back to that question that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, because it's related to this, and people have been asking Steph, have you switched focus from daughters of emotionally immature, narcissistic or toxic mothers to working with women who struggle with anxiety? And the answer is yes and no, and why? Because those are very often the same individuals. That was true for me and it's been true for virtually all of my clients, and today I want to talk about one of the reasons why. Okay, you can think of anxiety as dysregulation, and let's just talk about what is dysregulation exactly. It's essentially ineffective management of emotions, and when I say emotions, I'm not talking about anxiety. I'm not talking about you're ineffectively managing your anxiety. No, and it's not that you're ineffectively managing stress, okay, it's ineffective management of other emotions, and if you're sitting there like what? What? Anxiety is ineffective management of emotions. Yes, let me repeat that Anxiety stems from other emotions. If you resonate with what I've been talking about on this episode, you haven't been managing them well. And why are you not managing them well? Well, for one, simply because you're human and there is a much better way, like much, much better. And if you had, or have, an emotionally immature, narcissistic or toxic mother, managing emotions in a healthy way and regulating your nervous system wasn't ever modeled to you. So, honestly, it makes sense that if you were not ever taught to manage your emotions in a healthy way, this would be your struggle.

Speaker 1: 9:40

And here's something important to know as humans, we are all born all of us with the innate ability to upregulate or to go into fight or flight. Every single one of us Think about it. Like have you ever had to tell your body, like go into fight or flight heart, start pounding blood, go to my legs, let's, you know, flee this situation. No, I just got silly there, but you know what I'm saying. You have never had to tell your body to go into fight or flight. It just does. However and this is kind of a kicker, maybe I'm having a conversation with God about this like why is this your design? We, as humans, are not born with the innate ability to downregulate or to come out of fight or flight. Isn't that crazy? We are born with the ability to up-regulate but not down-regulate, so where does that leave us? You have to learn how.

Speaker 1: 10:43

If you grew up in a family who didn't know how to do that for themselves, they absolutely were not able to do that for you either. And because they were basically living and behaving from this default state of like dysregulation and being in fight or flight and not knowing how to regulate and manage their emotions, they would also be very likely to actually suppress your emotions. So it's one thing to just not teach you how to manage your emotions. It's another thing to suppress your emotions. And that is very often the experience. And if you're like me and others in this community, you probably heard things like why are you crying? Let it go, you're fine. Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. Go to your room until you can calm down. Go to your room until you can be nice. Does that sound familiar? It was for way too many of us, way too many of us.

Speaker 1: 11:50

And what tends to happen in these situations? Well, the child starts believing that their reaction shouldn't be happening and works to suppress their emotions. And that suppression what does it do? Pop quiz? Not that you can answer me. When we suppress our emotions, what happens? That causes dysregulation.

Speaker 1: 12:15

And what is anxiety Dysregulation? It's like one form of dysregulation. Okay. So how is this landing with you? This was my personal experience and what resulted me in concluding that not only was I broken, but that I was just an anxious person. And I'm here to tell you I was wrong on both accounts. And if this resonates with you, you are wrong too. You're not broken and you're not just an anxious person. And here's the beautiful thing you are in complete control. Now you get to choose differently. You get to act from an empowered place and heal, so that you don't pass this on to your children and so that all of your relationships can benefit.

Speaker 1: 13:06

And if you're resonating with this and you want to know more about how to break free, I have got your back In my free training how high achieving women can ditch anxiety in as little as five minutes a day. I will teach you exactly what you need to do to break free from anxiety this freaking year. Are you ready? All right, all you need to do is go to wwwbrave-methodcom. Slash anxiety and register today. All right, that's it for now. I hope you have a beautiful week and I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal, so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation. Dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.