Ever felt like you were handed an adult's script when you were still figuring out the kid lines? Yeah, been there, done that. Join me in today's podcast episode as I peel back the layers of my own experiences with parentification and sprinkle in a few laughs along the way.
Today, I'm throwing a game-changer your way: 'What do I want?' It's not just a question; it's your key to breaking free from the shackles of parentification. Trust me, I've walked that path, and by gradually meeting your own needs, you're not just reclaiming power; you're rewriting the script. This episode isn't just a listen; it's your passport to a week of self-discovery and growth. Tune in, buckle up, and let's make it an awesome journey together!
In this episode, you'll learn the following: 1. The concept of parentification and understanding its signs. 2. How to recognize the negative consequences and patterns that may arise from experiencing parentification. 3. The empowerment that comes through self-reflection and taking intentional actions.
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[FREE TRAINING] How high-achieving women can DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day www.brave-method.com/anxiety
Ever felt like you were handed an adult's script when you were still figuring out the kid lines? Yeah, been there, done that. Join me in today's podcast episode as I peel back the layers of my own experiences with parentification and sprinkle in a few laughs along the way.
Today, I'm throwing a game-changer your way: 'What do I want?' It's not just a question; it's your key to breaking free from the shackles of parentification. Trust me, I've walked that path, and by gradually meeting your own needs, you're not just reclaiming power; you're rewriting the script. This episode isn't just a listen; it's your passport to a week of self-discovery and growth. Tune in, buckle up, and let's make it an awesome journey together!
In this episode, you'll learn the following: 1. The concept of parentification and understanding its signs. 2. How to recognize the negative consequences and patterns that may arise from experiencing parentification. 3. The empowerment that comes through self-reflection and taking intentional actions.
______________________________________
[FREE TRAINING] How high-achieving women can DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day www.brave-method.com/anxiety
Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are, in fact, not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. Welcome back.
Speaker 1:
Happy New Year I mean, by the time you're listening to this, it's like probably January 16th or later, so maybe Happy New Year doesn't work anymore. I don't know. Here we are. I hope the holidays were amazing for you and, if not, I hope that ignites a fire for you to get some support that you really, really want and that you really need deep down. So I ended up taking off two full weeks off of podcasting, posting, doing stories on Instagram. It felt amazing and I really, really wanted that rest. So now I feel more refreshed and I'm excited to be back. And you know what? I looked at some stats for the podcast for 2023 and I just wanted to see what received the most downloads. Where was the most interest? I can have some sort of data point with where to go this year for the first of the year, or, you know, by the time you listen, the 16th of the year. But one of the highest downloads was the podcast about Good Girl Syndrome, and the today's topic ties closely to Good Girl Syndrome. It's going to be relatively short, but if you resonated with that episode, if you listen to it and you resonated with it, I think you'll like today's episode too.
Speaker 1:
So a quick refresher whether or not you listen to it is, there's a few signs that you are experiencing what is called Good Girl Syndrome and, by the way, this is definitely something that I was experiencing. So I'm going to go through this as you listen. Just think about ah okay, does this resonate with me? Does this sound like me? Is this part of my experience? So some signs are feeling scared to express your true feelings. Telling people you're okay when you are not actually okay. Constantly doing what others want you to do, ignoring basic needs and self-care. Constantly doing what you think will please others or make them happy. Having feelings of indecisiveness, saying yes when you really want to say no, pretending to think something or feel something that you actually don't think or feel, putting yourself last, not setting firm boundaries and often feeling resentful afterwards and then having a constant need from approval for others. Now you don't have to resonate with the entire list to be experiencing Good Girl Syndrome. You might just resonate with some of them. Either way, it's totally fine. But if you resonate with these behaviors that I just listed, I highly recommend you go back and listen to that episode. It was released July 11th of last year July 11th 2023. And you'll probably have to check it out. It's worth. It's pretty quick episode, so it's worth a listen.
Speaker 1:
So let's go ahead and dive into today's topic. If you resonate with those signs, there's a high likelihood that you also experienced parentification, and this may be particularly true if you have an emotionally immature or narcissistic mother. So what is parentification? Basically, it occurs when a child is forced into a role where they take on adult responsibilities. This was true for me. This is a little bit funny in hindsight, but my mother used to refer to me as her teenage mother and I used to refer to her as my five-year-old mother, so basically insinuating if she's listening to this, hopefully she finds humor in it, but insinuating that she acted like a five-year-old and I was the actual mother. Sort of joking, sort of not. Anyways, basically the responsibilities may be emotional support or caregiving for their parent or their siblings. So I'm curious if that resonates with you, if you experienced being in a parent role or a spouse role or caregiving role as a child or teenager. When there is a narcissistic mother or parent, the focus tends to be on the actual parent's needs and the parents may expect their child to actually meet those needs. Curious if that's true for you. So just hearing this, you may already be clear on whether or not you experienced it.
Speaker 1:
But in case you're unclear, I just want to share with you several signs that you can look for in yourself and maybe in your previous behavior. So first, early maturity. You may have developed maturity beyond your years because you were prematurely put into an adult role. You may have been told over and over and over again that you were an old soul or that you are wise beyond your years. I personally remember hearing this for the first time at six years old, and it probably happened before that, but I just don't remember it. Second, over responsibility. So you may feel the need to take care of others or situations even when it is not your role or responsibility, like taking on responsibility for others' actions, emotions, behavior or even money, and so obviously the goal back here is to hand back responsibility to the actual person rather than taking it on as your own responsibility, because I mean, obviously it's not your responsibility, but that's coming from your own wounding and a spot that you need to heal.
Speaker 1:
Third, you may struggle with setting boundaries because you continually prioritize others' needs of your own. I know that I have talked about this before, but I struggled big time with boundaries. I had no boundaries. I wasn't in a situation where boundaries were demonstrated to me. So when I was younger, I thought people who had boundaries were selfish, and now, in hindsight, that's not actually true.
Speaker 1:
So, number four you may not engage in self-care because being a caregiver of others was ingrained in you. You may find that you neglect your own needs and your own well-being. This was definitely true for me. Honestly, the whole list it's the old me. It's the old me, thank goodness, for inner work. So, yeah, neglected self-care big time and being a caregiver of others, if it was ingrained in you. You may fall into that pattern, and it makes sense.
Speaker 1:
Number five you may struggle with expressing your emotions or are confused by what you're feeling, because you're so used to suppressing your emotions or pushing down your emotions or ignoring your emotions because they didn't really matter. And you may have even been told things like you shouldn't feel that way, or you think this is bad, wait till XYZ happens, and so you got used to ignoring that and kind of abandoning yourself there. Number six you may identify as a perfectionist or have perfectionist tendencies. A sign of this Most people are familiar with perfectionism but a sign is you struggle to feel OK if you make mistakes. It doesn't feel safe to make mistakes. So I really want you to ask yourself is that part of your struggle? How okay with those not so shiny things are you? Do you beat yourself up afterwards? You do not have to beat yourself up.
Speaker 1:
And then finally, the last one, number seven you may notice that you have difficulty trusting others. In particular, you may have difficulty trusting that they will provide you support when needed. And now your reaction to that might be like I don't have any difficult trusting others. Well, let me ask you this question Do you ask for help, do you allow yourself to be helped? And if your thought is, well, actually, you know, I feel a little bit called out. I don't. Maybe, just maybe part of that underneath is that you don't trust that you will feel supported or be supported. Maybe it's not, but it could be.
Speaker 1:
So I always ask myself is there a one-person chance that this is true? Because that keeps my mind open in like a learning mode to see, okay, what's useful for me, what's not useful for me. So think about those signs so seven that I went over. How do they resonate, and can you see yourself in one or more? You don't have to resonate with all of them, but if you can see yourself in one or more, if any of them feel true, I wanna reassure you that the negative outcomes that have resulted from being subject to parentification are not permanent, similar to what I've talked about. Like you're not just an anxious person. That is something that can be changed. That is very true for this.
Speaker 1:
If you're falling into perfectionism or you're not asking for help, or you don't have boundaries, you can absolutely do the work to build the skill to step out of that. Okay, you know now there's a concrete reason why you're showing up the way that you are and you have the power to step out of these patterns. And if your question is like, okay, but I don't know how, I'm glad you're here because this is something that I stepped out of and this is something that I can absolutely help you to step out of too. Okay, there has just been so much focus on other people that often those who have been subject to parentification have experienced like self-betrayal or ignoring your wants and needs. That can really instill a belief in you that your needs are not important or that they're less important than others. And I know that this is an obvious statement. You're gonna be like, okay, consciously, I know that, but you matter, and it's not that you matter more or you matter less. You matter too. You're not less important than others.
Speaker 1:
And one of the most important first steps to start asking yourself regularly and you can ask yourself this on a weekly basis or a daily basis, but it's simply to ask yourself the question what do I want? And if your response to that is I don't know, that used to be my response. I didn't know what I wanted all the time because I had experienced such self-betrayal and such ignoring my wants and my needs that I just didn't know anymore. If you ask your subconscious mind good questions, it will give you answers. So I want you to approach this question of what do I want with patients. You don't have to know the answer immediately, but I want you to trust that if you genuinely want to know, it will reveal itself to you.
Speaker 1:
And, depending on how much you put your needs on the back burner, you can just start small with trying out answers for yourself. I mean, I'm talking about small things like what do I want for dinner? Or it could be bigger things what do I want to do for my career? And then start meeting those needs little by little. And again, this is not like okay, well, nobody else's needs matter, you know. Well, you know, my kids don't matter, my spouse doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. No, that's all or nothing thinking.
Speaker 1:
We're just starting to ask yourself what do I want, little by little getting more in tune with what you do want, and I will tell you that part of this is getting back in touch with your intuition, and that's something that I work with my clients on. And if you're ready to break through the consequences of parentification for good, just DM me the word parent and we can talk about the next right steps for you, based on your specific circumstances. All right, that's all I have for today. I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation, dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.