The Broken to Brave Podcast

Embracing Life and Healing after Loss with Megan Hillukka

January 30, 2024 Dr. Stephanie Lopez Episode 36
Embracing Life and Healing after Loss with Megan Hillukka
The Broken to Brave Podcast
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The Broken to Brave Podcast
Embracing Life and Healing after Loss with Megan Hillukka
Jan 30, 2024 Episode 36
Dr. Stephanie Lopez

Have you ever wondered how someone can turn a profound loss into a journey of healing and compassion? Today we are joined by Megan Hillukka, whose journey through the darkest valleys of loss illuminates a path to hope and healing. Megan, a mother of eight, opens her heart to us, recounting the profound loss of her young daughter and the transformative leap of faith that led her family to embrace adventure and life's fleeting moments in a unique way.

Megan candidly shares her and her husband's struggle towards understanding and growth within their union, highlighting the challenges of self-awareness in the face of tragedy. Her story, a beacon of inspiration, encourages us to seize dreams with both hands, underscoring the power of a clear vision to guide us through life's uncertainties.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. The difference between grief, trauma, and anxiety.
2. Megan's journey of seeking help and trying different therapeutic approaches.
3. The importance of self-discovery and self-awareness.

You can connect with Megan on:
Instagram @megan_hillukka
Podcast www.meganhillukka.com/podcast

5-Day BRAVE-cation Healing Retreat:
www.brave-method.com/retreat-priority-list

______________________________________

[FREE TRAINING]
How high-achieving women can
DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day

www.brave-method.com/anxiety

Which of these results do you want and inspire you the most?
www.brave-method.com/testimonials

💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com




Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever wondered how someone can turn a profound loss into a journey of healing and compassion? Today we are joined by Megan Hillukka, whose journey through the darkest valleys of loss illuminates a path to hope and healing. Megan, a mother of eight, opens her heart to us, recounting the profound loss of her young daughter and the transformative leap of faith that led her family to embrace adventure and life's fleeting moments in a unique way.

Megan candidly shares her and her husband's struggle towards understanding and growth within their union, highlighting the challenges of self-awareness in the face of tragedy. Her story, a beacon of inspiration, encourages us to seize dreams with both hands, underscoring the power of a clear vision to guide us through life's uncertainties.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. The difference between grief, trauma, and anxiety.
2. Megan's journey of seeking help and trying different therapeutic approaches.
3. The importance of self-discovery and self-awareness.

You can connect with Megan on:
Instagram @megan_hillukka
Podcast www.meganhillukka.com/podcast

5-Day BRAVE-cation Healing Retreat:
www.brave-method.com/retreat-priority-list

______________________________________

[FREE TRAINING]
How high-achieving women can
DITCH anxiety in as little as five minutes a day

www.brave-method.com/anxiety

Which of these results do you want and inspire you the most?
www.brave-method.com/testimonials

💗 Dr. Steph
@DrStephanieLopez
www.brave-method.com




Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Dr Steph and I'm here to guide you on your journey to healing from a difficult relationship with your mother, whether she was narcissistic, emotionally immature or just plain toxic. I want you to know that you are in fact, not broken and you do not have to suffer from anxiety or explosive emotional reactions like lashing out. You can break the cycle. You are a strong, capable woman who can handle any challenge that comes your way, and I'm going to show you how to have the ultimate control over your reactions so that you are unstoppable. Welcome to the Broken to Brave podcast. All right, welcome back everyone.

Speaker 1:

Today I have a special guest. I'm interviewing Megan Hillica, and I actually met her through my business mentor. We're in the same program right now and there was one day that I responded to, I think, one of her reels on Instagram, and then I was in the Facebook group for this business program and responded to one of her posts and I was like wait a second, I think that's the same person. So I took that as a sign that we were meant to connect and I started asking Megan a few questions about herself. So I'll turn it over to her in a minute, but first I just want to briefly introduce her to you. She is a bereaved mother with eight children one who died at 15 months old and what she has done is she used her experience with grief, trauma and anxiety now to help others, and we'll just go ahead and dive in. So, megan, tell us a little bit about who you are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, first I want to thank you for having me, dr Steph. It's so exciting to be here and, like you said, it was so like what in the world? How does that happen? It's just crazy how we're connecting over two different, completely separate platforms and areas at the same exact time, so that was really fun. So I'm Megan Helica. Like you said, I have eight kids. My daughter, aria, died when she was 15 months old. We actually just got done traveling the country for two years in a converted school bus and now we just live in a house and we're settling in.

Speaker 2:

So that's like a huge change, new, different for us. Learning how to stay in one place for longer than a week so that's pretty amazing. It feels good and I help people in my you know my practice in my business really heal trauma really quickly and learn how to manage and navigate anxiety and grief and all of the things. So yeah, I'm constant learner, super interested in like mental health, health, personal growth Maybe why we're in the same business.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

I was like we have a lot in common, right place together, right? Yes?

Speaker 1:

yes, yes.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, so I don't know. I just I am super excited about learning and just super interested in this. So yeah, thanks for having me.

Speaker 1:

Aw, thank you for coming on, so let's just dive right in. But I guess before before I didn't realize that you traveled the, you know, for two years. That is so cool. So I don't this is an unplanned question, but any like big lessons learned from that or like something that you wish people knew.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, like thousands of lessons. One of the biggest lessons, though, that just popped in my head. We did it actually because our daughter died. It was kind of like we learned that life isn't guaranteed. We learned that you know, my husband might die tomorrow, I might die tomorrow, another child might die tomorrow, and so it was very much like why would we wait until we're 65 where our health isn't guaranteed? And what if we're not?

Speaker 2:

You know, it's like why not live today? Why don't we re, we work towards our dreams today and live the life we want now, not in, you know, wait for retirement. That felt like a super, super huge lesson for us, that kind of opened up our eyes to like I'm not waiting for tomorrow. Obviously, we need a plan for tomorrow in some way, shape or form, but it was just like how can we live today, how can we make our dreams possible today, or work towards them today? And then, with that, one of the biggest lessons in the whole thing of building out the bus, I always say the most challenging things I've ever done is build a business, remain married and have a loving relationship with my husband build the bus and my daughter dying.

Speaker 2:

Those are like my top, most challenging, difficult things I've ever done. Because building the bus was like we don't know how to do it, we don't know anything about it. We didn't know how we're going to buy a bus, we didn't know how we were going to make money on the road. We didn't know anything, anything. And the first thing we started was I was just like I have this dream, let's work towards it. And so it was just like having that dream and the vision like James talks about this a lot, our business coach and that vision. I felt like that was so true for me that it was like I had no idea how it was going to work out. People would ask, people would question us how is this going to work out? How is this going to happen? I have no idea. I just believe it's going to happen. And I felt it so deeply and I'm like then, when we're driving down the driveway in the bus, starting our travels, I was just like what in the world Like this happened?

Speaker 2:

This is like our dream that we've been working towards and it's just like it's really taught both me and my husband now, where I feel like he was in that situation. He's so much in like how is it going to work, how are we going to do it. And now he's just like I mean, we don't need to know how we're just working towards the dream and the house going to figure itself out Like we're going to. So that's like one of the most. I would say. There's a million other lessons that we've learned and it's a huge thing that I wish people other people could hear and learn and take away, like when they think, oh my gosh, how did you do that? I'm like one step at a time, yeah.

Speaker 1:

One step at a time.

Speaker 2:

One little thing that we did. You know, we had no clue how. We just did the next thing, and then the next thing, and the next thing, and then it just suddenly we were driving down the driveway. So yeah, that's what I would say.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for diving into that and sharing a little bit of that journey. I got teary, I don't know. I mean everybody that was listening would have known. But when you talked about that beautiful gift that Aria did give to you to be able to really embody you just never know, and let's just follow our dreams right now. I think that's so beautiful and I love that you talked about your job. Is not the how I was just telling a client that, like two days ago, like she's like, because she was like in catastrophizing mode about I don't know how this is ever going to work out, and I was just, you know, gently guiding her back like your job? Is not the how you got to take action?

Speaker 1:

Yes things are not necessarily just going to fall in your lap, but you don't have to know how. Just follow that intuition. And also a lot of my clients I don't know if this is true for you too, but a lot of mine, perhaps all of them are more like type A, so high on control. So they want to know, like A through Z, and I'm like let's just do A to B first, yeah, and then we can take the next best step after that, yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly it Is. You just take the next step and, and as long as you're taking a step, if you're not taking steps, nothing. You know, the step C is not going to open up. If you take step A to B, then step C. Oh, okay, this is the next thing. So, but you can't see step D when you're at step A. So it's just yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, love it. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, so tell me what life was like before you started doing inner work, before you started like your personal development journey.

Speaker 2:

I would almost say it was before and after Arya died, like I feel like I was not very interested in, in anything Like I. When I think I mean I, I thought I like I enjoyed my life, but my husband and I did not have like as deep of a relationship as we have now. Like we didn't know how to have hard conversations. We didn't know how to talk about anything like really honestly anything, and have like and stay calm and, you know, be able to have a conversation about it without getting triggered or angry at each other. I didn't really know. I didn't know anything about my thoughts, I didn't know anything about my emotions. I honestly would, just I was so uncomfortable with any sensations in my body that I would like I would end a relationship instead of having a hard conversation. I would, yeah, like I didn't, I didn't want to go there, so I would just like it was easier to just ignore it or end a relationship with even a good friend, so I didn't have to talk about it and so that would, I would say.

Speaker 2:

And then you know, with my husband that was triggered all the time as constantly. You know he he actually we've talked about this where he said he would come home and he'd be like walking on eggshells. He's like nervous to come home because what's my wife going to be like today. You know what's she. How's she going to be today. I don't know how am I going to respond to her. He felt like he couldn't even stop at the store on his way home because his wife is like get home right now. Like you know, yeah, it's just a night. It's a night and day difference. I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. I mean, it's a good place of learning, but it yeah, I was not really interested in any of it, but I feel like Aria dying forced me. It forced me. I had no choice. I didn't know how fragile my mental health was until she died and then it was like a switch flipped and then I felt out of control. I felt crazy. I felt so many things.

Speaker 2:

So, it's it. Yeah, it's just interesting to think about. You know what that was like beforehand.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, I you know people may not be able to relate to everything, but I I'm sure they will be able to relate to parts of your experience. I certainly can. I can too. The walking on egg shells like before I started doing the inner work journey. I had multiple people tell me that too, and that's not great feedback to hear, because I also I didn't know what to do. I honestly I thought that this is just who I am, like, like, and and so then I felt like stuck because, okay, is there anything I can do to not be that way? And then I'll pretend, and, and then I I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but then I would like pretend and fall into people pleasing and try to, you know, be perfect, and then then I would lose it. And I would have this cycle of like control, control, control, lose it, control, control, control, lose it.

Speaker 2:

I would say you are more aware than I was. I, like I didn't even know my. My husband never even told me, actually until after I like so we would talk about how it was before and I thought everything was great. You know, I was like yep, but I didn't realize how bad it was for him and and I didn't realize my like, I didn't take any ownership for how I acted. I didn't.

Speaker 2:

I was just like like, like you said, this is how I am. But I didn't like feel I was just like well, yeah, I'm, I'm reactive and I'm loud and I'm like I mean, yeah, that's how I am, deal with me.

Speaker 1:

Deal with it.

Speaker 2:

That was kind of hot, maybe, like that's how I remember it, like that's what I think, how I thought it was, but I don't know. It's just interesting where now it's more, it's way more like you know I'll take responsibility for how I'm acting and that also I will not take responsibility for my husband's actions. You know, be like hey, no, this is like we can have such a grounded conversation about how each of us is showing up and how you know how we're feeling, without making it mean something or getting super triggered or you know it's such a night and day difference it really is beautiful.

Speaker 1:

Let's dive into the details now of where you are, what shifts you notice in yourself and how you view the world, and what got you there.

Speaker 2:

Like I said, I feel like aria dying kind of changed everything for me In so many ways, like you know, obviously you kind of think, well, that happens to other people, that would never happen to me, and I actually don't think that's a bad thing. Honestly, now where I am now, I don't think it's. I actually don't think it's healthy for us to be like, oh my gosh, it's gonna happen to me.

Speaker 2:

It's good for us to think it's not gonna happen to me, because when it does happen, then you're dealing with it. Then, if it were to happen Rather than twice, yeah, you're not dealing with it beforehand, so I don't encourage, like you should think that it's gonna happen to you. But then it did happen to us and it was just like it was so shocking. And then, like I said, my mental health, because then I was actually diagnosed with PTSD, because I found her after she died.

Speaker 2:

And I was diagnosed with PTSD and I thought I was going crazy, like I didn't know. I didn't know what PTSD was, I didn't know what trauma was. I didn't know anything. I didn't I had. Now, when I think about it, like when I realized, like panic attacks and anxiety. I remember now I'm like, oh, I had a panic attack when I was like 18, but I didn't know what it was Like. I was with my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, and I was just like I don't know, I don't know what happened. That was so weird. I just went crazy. I thought I was gonna die and all this stuff. But now I know that was a panic attack.

Speaker 2:

I didn't have those words then, but up until my daughter died I felt fairly I would say fairly mentally stable, like kind of like. It wasn't you know, but like I said, like I was explaining, I wasn't really aware of much, but like it felt generally okay. And then when she died, it was like snap your fingers and I was felt so out of control my body would react without me doing anything. I would relive this day over and over again, like it was a living horror, nightmare every single day, and that's like. So there's grief and then there's anxiety and trauma. And what I learned is that grief is separate than anxiety and trauma. And a lot of times we clump it all together and say, because this happened to me, now I'm anxious, now I'm traumatized, now this is how I am and I can't change it. Because this happened. And kind of how I like to look at it is like grief is separate, because your grieving doesn't mean you have to be anxious or you have to be living with trauma the rest of your life. Yes, so I learned you know piles about trauma, about anxiety, about grief, and one thing I'm like separate them. Grief is something we learn to live with, to carry to feel I'll never. You know, I will always remember my daughter. I'm always like have different ways of remembering her and connecting with her.

Speaker 2:

We talk about her as a family. My kids were. She was our third and I was pregnant with our fourth when she died. So I was due in four weeks, so I had a baby four weeks after she died and oh, my gosh, megan. It was a nightmare. It was not a fun time in my life. Oh, but we talk about her. Our kids know her name, you know she's a part of our family, and so grief is with me forever.

Speaker 2:

But the trauma that like. Let me explain a few things of what it was like when I was living with trauma, like coming home from my mom and dad's house it was a half an hour drive and we would stop, probably 10, 15 times, 20 times, I don't even know, because I was absolutely convinced my boys died. I would look around and we had to stop, turn on the light so I could check both of them and make sure they were still breathing, and then we'd drive another two minutes and then I'd be like, oh my gosh, you gotta stop, you gotta stop. And my husband, my poor, amazing patient husband, you know, like to have your wife suddenly have this happening where you're like they're totally fine and she's freaking out and panicking, but you were so scared.

Speaker 2:

No, I was like they are dead and I would turn around and look okay, Okay, then I'd be right aside, really, okay, they're fine. And then two minutes later, same thing. So it was. That's how bad it was it was. And then I had a baby after and my trigger was sleep. And what do no-borns do? They sleep all the time. So I didn't sleep at all For three months. She had an outlet monitor on and I still didn't sleep. I didn't trust the outlet monitor. What if she stopped breathing and the outlet monitor didn't go off in time?

Speaker 1:

And oh, you know all of this. It was so awful.

Speaker 2:

And now I share all that because when you're living with that, it's all you can see and you're like it can't ever change. This is too horrible. There's nothing that can help. I have zero trauma, zero, nothing around my kid sleeping. My baby sleeps all night and it's amazing. It's incredible. I love, I love it that he sleeps all night. You know, like every night my kid's sleep all night. It's amazing. I do not go in there and check on them. I am not concerned that they're gonna die. I'm not concerned about any of my kids dying. I don't, I don't worry about it, I don't think about it, I don't. It doesn't take up brain space in my head and I just share that because I want people to know if they're living with something that feels really big and like there's nothing like this can't ever change, like it can, like I'm living proof there's hope, there's absolutely living proof of it was terrible and now, like I, it's, it's not there at all.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh. Thank you for being so open and for sharing everything that you went through. Can you talk to us a little bit about what got you there? You know from from in the midst of experiencing that PTSD minute by minute especially. You know when you were in the car, when they were asleep, to where you are now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I kind of think of it as like with any sort of healing maybe you, you like, get pieces from here and pieces from here, and then, like you know, layers, and then, oh, this is something different. That so, like each part of my journey I feel really grateful for and like I feel like it's been a good thing. But I spent. I knew right away that I couldn't do it alone. I knew that I needed help. I was like it wasn't even a question. I was like I can't do this by myself.

Speaker 2:

And I did go to therapy and that's where I learned about trauma, where my therapist told me about trauma and she had recommended me to someone to do EMDR. So I did EMDR and I spent about a year going to therapy twice a week doing EMDR, and I told people this is my life, it's like a full time job, this is what I'm doing. I'm going to therapy, I'm healing. It is exhausting, it's draining, but it's what I need to do. And so EMDR was amazing. It completely changed my experience with trauma and I'm so, so, so grateful for that. And and then, as I've learned more and as I've, you know, dove into this world of anxiety and trauma and grief and really learned so much more about, like whatever I came across something called rapid resolution therapy that I had mentioned to you before, when we were talking and and I had heard somebody say, you know, talk about it, and I was like how is that possible?

Speaker 2:

I don't believe it, Like you know, as if that was my first reaction last year, like like a, like a fluke or seems like that's not possible, like I spent a full year doing deep, intense, painful work to heal my trauma and up until that point I thought that's how you have to do it. You know, I just thought that's that's how it is. To heal trauma has to be painful, has to be a lot of work. You have to relive the memories, you have to feel it super deeply, relive it.

Speaker 2:

All the stuff and what I've learned now and in had mentioned to that I just can't recommend EMDR, even though it's an amazing tool and if somebody wants to use it it certainly can be effective. It's just not the fastest, easiest, most effective way that I found now to get results. Yeah, like in with RRT, what I've learned is trauma can be healed in as little as one or two sessions, and not only have I seen this over and over and over, I facilitated many sessions where this has happened and a few clients have been like. This has been a lifelong trauma that I've been to years of therapy, years of therapy and it's gone. Yeah, right now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah like, like those kind of experiences and another experience where I had a mom who was reliving the day her child died over and over and over and I was like we're not talking about that.

Speaker 2:

We're going to go talk about other things, like when we're clearing the trauma. We didn't even talk about that, we didn't even go through it, didn't relive nothing. And then I asked her a couple of weeks later and so, how was that? Like, how's that been? Are you, are you you know? Have those things been still happening? And she's like oh no, no, it's not.

Speaker 1:

Isn't the mind incredible?

Speaker 2:

I'm like seriously the thing. The biggest struggle I have with this RRT is people don't realize how powerful it is, because it was so easy, because you know they. They're like oh yeah, I forgot that, that's not showing up. I'm like do you know that I spent one full year going twice a week it was my full time job to heal that and you healed it in one session. So like I have to like point that out to people because they don't know like how much work it could be. So that's, that's the biggest struggle I have.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, oh, thank you so much for sharing more about that. I, like I mentioned before we started recording, I heard about it for the first time last year and I was like what is this? And it's. It's awesome to get your first hand experience. And now that you've seen like hundreds or more than 100, I can't remember the number you said go through this process and get incredible results. That is amazing to hear yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's, it's pretty incredible. And then I think, just through this whole experience of learning, you know like there's so much combination of learning how to to be aware of yourself and your thoughts and your emotions and your body, but also that there's things that you can do to just like clear it, so like the trauma is gone, so you don't have to regulate yourself after a trigger. Like you don't have to. You know, like, when the trauma triggers, what if the trauma just didn't trigger at all? Right, what if there was no trigger? You know.

Speaker 2:

So that's kind of where our tea gets you to and and where, like, I feel like now in my life, I just I don't know when I think about everything that I've been through and I'm just like I feel so grateful for my life, for for where we're at, I feel so grateful that both me and my husband are like we're on the same page and we're excited about our future.

Speaker 2:

Like when your child dies, it can be really challenging to be excited, like what's the point of my future? Why, of course, why would I even keep living? And we're like both like how can life get even better than this? Like it just feels like our life is so amazing. But and in the again I share that because I want people to know what's possible for them. There's hope, like there's so much hope and so much like it can be so different. And actually my husband and I were just talking last night and what did he say? He said something about. He said it could be partly my personality, but that I've done so much work on myself mentally, emotionally, like if that's kind of good to be acknowledged.

Speaker 2:

You know like to be like hey yeah, you see, all the effort I put in to our relationship, to us, to me to to have that connection together, because I don't think that connection just happens. It's been a lot of like, learning and continuous like. Even now we're still always learning how to get connected again, because it's just, it's just the way of life and as humans, Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it feels so good to be seen in that way and you objectively went through one of the worst things a mother could ever experience or maybe the worst thing that a mother could ever experience and the fact that you're able to find gratitude for it, I think is so beautiful. You know she did give you a gift for yourself, but then now you're helping so many women and that's amazing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I thank you. I'll receive that. But I think it's interesting because, like, obviously I would wish that I would have learned it a different way. You know, I'm like, of course, if I just like learned this, just because, like, like, just you know, through life, but I I am so grateful for, obviously I wouldn't wish this kind of experience on anybody, but I feel like the gifts that has given me, like I can choose to take the gifts if I want and I don't have to take them if I don't want. But I might as well take the gifts that I'm given from this experience and it doesn't mean anything about me being happy that she died.

Speaker 1:

It just means that I'm no.

Speaker 2:

I only say that because a lot of times people say, well, like there's nothing good that could come out of my child's eye and or, or, you know, I'm not going to look for any gifts and I'm like, well, yeah, for me it's like, well, I can take the gifts and it doesn't make it okay to me, like it doesn't mean, like that was good that she died. I can, I can be okay and I can still not be like, oh, that was so. I'm so happy that happened and it's.

Speaker 1:

it's like both experiences are coexisting, and they always can, and they always do.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, yeah, and it's just been. It feels better for me to take the gifts and to learn and to obviously find ways to connect with her and remember her and bring her forward with us in our life. But I've learned a lot. Grape is a is a painful teacher and and then you know, when you have mental struggles, things that feel out of control, it feels like it has given me a depth of understanding and compassion for others who are experiencing that kind of experience. Yes, like before I experienced this, I probably would have been like just relax, or you know, like, what are you doing? I don't want, you know, I didn't get it. Like, when you haven't experienced trauma, it's very difficult to understand that they're not trying to relive a memory or they're not trying to, you know, have a panic attack. It's just like happening to them, and so it it gives me that compassion and understanding, having been through it myself.

Speaker 1:

I really like that. You said that that's something that I try to do personally is when I'm going through something that feels really hard and maybe my initial reaction is like I wish this wasn't happening, or why did this happen, or why did I not figure this out earlier. You know the typical thought process that is easy to dive down. Then I bring myself back to all of the times in my life when I have been through very challenging situations and there was good because at a minimum, I was able to empathize with people so much better, because I got it at a like deep core, raw level.

Speaker 1:

Yeah absolutely yeah, yeah. Okay, so you didn't use this word and perhaps you didn't feel this way, but one of the last things that I like to ask is if someone listening has moments, or maybe more than moments, where she she feels broken and maybe she's asking herself why am I like this? What advice do you have? Or do you want to leave her with?

Speaker 2:

A million different directions I could go, but obviously the first one is you're not broken. I think a lot of us feel that way and I would say I did feel that way. That was, you know. I felt so broken and like what? What the heck is wrong with me? Why is this happening? All those things You're not broken and sometimes, especially like I know we're talking a lot about like mental stuff, like mental health, all that stuff.

Speaker 2:

It's easy to see that your arm is broken and be like, oh okay, I can go deal with that, but with mental stuff it's not so clear and I don't even I don't consider anybody broken, ever. I don't think of people as broken. I don't think of people as I don't really necessarily always agree with, like labeling people as disordered or like all this brokenness. How I like to think about it and to tell people is you're not broken and to encourage you to seek the things that could assist you. But when you're, when you're dealing with it mentally, it can feel like this should just be easier for me. Why is this so hard?

Speaker 1:

for me.

Speaker 2:

What you know and you you can't tell that. You know it could be, it could be easier, but not because there's something wrong with you, but because maybe you haven't gotten the right tools yet or the right assistance or or the right like with RRT, clearing different like blocks that have been within the subconscious mind, those kind of things. It's not you, it's not you're broken, it's that there's something maybe that's getting in the way of how you want to be optimally and and it's not. And I think we wait too long often when we're experiencing something, say mentally, physically, whatever, emotionally, and we're like, well, I don't know, maybe it's just a time right now that I'm going through, and maybe like what's wrong with me, I don't know, like, is this bad enough? Does this, you know?

Speaker 2:

Do I have to be like in bed all day long, every day, in order to do something about it? Do I have to not be able to function? Do I have to like at what level? Yeah, is it okay for me to do something about this? It's like at the certain point, whenever you want to, and whenever it's like you know what. I'm kind of tired of living like this. I'm kind of tired of snapping at my kids every day. I'm kind of tired of the disconnection with my husband. I'm kind of tired with whatever it is this trigger. I'm tired of being triggered by this word, you know?

Speaker 2:

Yes, it doesn't have to be your, your non functioning in bed. Yeah, it can be before that and actually I would encourage you to be before that. So kind of a long rant.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh, I get it though so many women in this community. They want to do it themselves and figure it out themselves, also because it does feel vulnerable for a lot of people to ask for help. It's one of the best things that you can do for yourself to heal and to break cycles and to recover and to really step into who you actually are. Yeah, 100% agree. Okay, anything else you want to share? I guess that.

Speaker 2:

I hope people heard hope and I hope people heard like now is the time to do something wherever you feel called to do that thing, because your life is just passing you by, whether you're deciding to do something about it or not. Time is going to keep passing and, like I learned with my daughter's death, why not try to reach towards the most beautiful possible life today, rather than thinking, you know, when my kids grow up, or right now I don't have time, or right now I'm so busy? It's like, well, when would you not be busy? When it you know, wouldn't your kids prefer a calm, present, relaxed mom now?

Speaker 2:

rather than when they're gone Like what did your? Husband prefer a connected, loving spouse. Now, you know, it's just like, yes, sometimes we have to. It's as sad as it is. As moms and wives we have to think about our kids and husbands, sometimes before we'll actually do something for ourselves. You know, it's like you're right, it's like it's very calm about how it's affecting them, because then maybe you'll you'll take care of yourself and do something about it and I'll just say do you like? The time is now, don't wait.

Speaker 1:

Don't wait. I love that. I'm like preach girl. Yeah, oh, my gosh, okay. So how can listeners best connect with you?

Speaker 2:

Yes, so I have a website. It's Megan Helicacom. I have a podcast. It's currently called Groovy Moms Podcast, but I'm trying to change the name so you'll find it Groovy Moms Podcast. I'm trying to make it a more general motherhood podcast, so it's kind of in route in between stages, but Groovy Moms Podcast is my podcast. My Instagram is Megan underscore Helica and yeah, those are the easiest ways to find me.

Speaker 1:

Perfect. I'll link everything in the show notes, so if you're listening and you want to connect with Megan, just scroll down and you've got it. Thank you so much for coming on today. I can't wait to talk to you more after this.

Speaker 1:

Thanks, definitely was a pleasure. Thank you for listening today. If you're ready to heal so that triggering situations no longer control you and so that you can feel empowered, brave and thrive in any situation, dm me the word brave on Instagram and I'll send you a training where you will learn three of the most common mistakes driven women are making that are keeping them stuck in negative emotions, and what you can do instead.

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Overcoming Trauma and Grief After Loss
Healing Trauma With Rapid Resolution Therapy
Hope and Gratitude in Challenging Experiences
Connecting on Instagram for Empowerment Training